Florida Man Offers Two-Word Explanation For Why He Menaced Victim With Machete For Not Flushing Toilet

[Teh One Who Knocks]

The Smoking Gun


https://i.imgur.com/QcI1tRb.jpg

A Floridian charged with threatening another man with a machete for failing to flush the toilet provided police with a written statement declaring that “Shit happened,” according to an arrest report.

Keith Mounts, 46, was busted Saturday night on a felony aggravated assault count following a confrontation at his residence in Hudson, a Tampa suburb.

According to the victim, Mounts “pointed a machete in his face after he told him to flush the toilet after using it.” The man added that Mounts threatened to “chop” him with the weapon.

Cops responding to a 911 call placed by the victim found the machete in the home's yard (seen below).

Mounts told police that he was defending himself with the machete, but could not give cops a “reason as to why he was defending himself.” Mounts subsequently “provided a written statement saying ‘Shit happened,’” cops reported.

Mounts was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $5000 bond.

https://i.imgur.com/F1Q2sc8.jpg

[Griffin]

The dude decided to be a monk and joined a monastery.

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words.

Ten years go by and it’s the dudes first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.”

Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”

30 years have gone by and it’s the big day. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”

“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been bitching ever since you got here.”