Teh One Who Knocks
05-04-2021, 11:50 AM
The Babylon Bee
https://i.imgur.com/0PjhMfRl.jpg
Masks have been the greatest way for us to distinguish between morally superior people and all the evil selfish people. But how will the world know what a good person you are when masks are no longer required? Don't worry fam-- we here at the Babylon Bee are morality experts. We got you.
Here are 10 easy ways to keep feeling morally superior once the pandemic is over:
Never stop wearing a mask as long as you live: This is probably the simplest solution. Wear your mask forever. Breathe in that sweet, sweet, moral superiority and CO2.
Start a podcast about your time wearing a mask: Bring in co-hosts who also wore masks, and talk about how you wore masks. As a bonus, do it while wearing a mask.
Get a tattoo of your mask on your face: There's no better way of reminding everyone how important masks used to be and how important you were for wearing one.
Start an HOA in your suburban neighborhood: Oh-- you already started one? Of course, you did!
Declare a climate emergency and switch to an all-bug diet: Bugs are the most morally superior thing to eat. Also, be rich and drive an electric car. Shame all people who do not do the same.
Punch a white male in the face every day: If you're not already doing this, what the heck is wrong with you? Go punch a white male in his dumb white face!
Travel only by train for the rest of your life: Trains are more moral than cars. Don't ask us why. We're actually not sure why but we're looking into it. If you don't have a train nearby due to living in a racist Republican area, just ride a bike instead.
Drone strike a Middle-Eastern country: Obama, the Child of Light and Son of Hope did this often. Follow in the footsteps of Barack.
Become a Christian: Religious people are known for how morally superior they believe themselves to be. You'll fit right in!
Become an atheist: If there's anyone even more morally superior than a Christian, it's an atheist!
https://i.imgur.com/0PjhMfRl.jpg
Masks have been the greatest way for us to distinguish between morally superior people and all the evil selfish people. But how will the world know what a good person you are when masks are no longer required? Don't worry fam-- we here at the Babylon Bee are morality experts. We got you.
Here are 10 easy ways to keep feeling morally superior once the pandemic is over:
Never stop wearing a mask as long as you live: This is probably the simplest solution. Wear your mask forever. Breathe in that sweet, sweet, moral superiority and CO2.
Start a podcast about your time wearing a mask: Bring in co-hosts who also wore masks, and talk about how you wore masks. As a bonus, do it while wearing a mask.
Get a tattoo of your mask on your face: There's no better way of reminding everyone how important masks used to be and how important you were for wearing one.
Start an HOA in your suburban neighborhood: Oh-- you already started one? Of course, you did!
Declare a climate emergency and switch to an all-bug diet: Bugs are the most morally superior thing to eat. Also, be rich and drive an electric car. Shame all people who do not do the same.
Punch a white male in the face every day: If you're not already doing this, what the heck is wrong with you? Go punch a white male in his dumb white face!
Travel only by train for the rest of your life: Trains are more moral than cars. Don't ask us why. We're actually not sure why but we're looking into it. If you don't have a train nearby due to living in a racist Republican area, just ride a bike instead.
Drone strike a Middle-Eastern country: Obama, the Child of Light and Son of Hope did this often. Follow in the footsteps of Barack.
Become a Christian: Religious people are known for how morally superior they believe themselves to be. You'll fit right in!
Become an atheist: If there's anyone even more morally superior than a Christian, it's an atheist!