Husband forgot to disclose vasectomy....to conniving bitch

[Teh One Who Knocks]

Not really news, but when I read this I just couldn't believe it....yeah, the chick that wrote this is just a poor innocent victim. :roll:



By Amy Dickinson ,QMI Agency


DEAR AMY: Three years ago when I started dating my husband, I asked him about kids and he said, "I could never have kids." Then I asked about what would happen if I got pregnant, and he said we would raise the child together.

At the time having kids was not a priority for me, so I brushed it aside.

The problem is that once we got married (five months ago), I realized that having a child is a big priority for me and that I was running out of time.

I knew it was wrong, but I would accidentally-on-purpose skip days of my birth control, eventually ceasing to take the pills at all. I knew that if we had a child, my husband would grow to love it.

The problem was that, after months of this, I never conceived. A few weeks ago, I finally decided to broach the topic again with my husband.

I discovered that he had a vasectomy a year before we met!

He swears that he has mentioned it before, but I know he hasn't. I feel sick knowing that he kept something like this from me. I also feel trapped in my marriage knowing that it will always be just the two of us.

Should I get out while I can and find a husband who wants a child, or will I outgrow this need? -- Desperately Seeking a Child

DEAR SEEKING: When your husband stated "I could never have kids," it sounds like he seems to think this is the same thing as saying, "I had a vasectomy."

It is not.

If he had told you outright that he'd had a vasectomy, this is not the sort of statement you would likely forget; his assertion that he disclosed this doesn't ring true.

So far your marriage is built on the flimsiest foundation, with both of you behaving dishonestly about a matter that will dictate the course of the rest of your lives.

You will not likely "outgrow" your desire to have children -- in fact, this impulse could grow stronger as time goes by.

You two desperately need to strip away the obfuscation and start telling the truth. Unvarnish it. Why did he have a vasectomy in the first place? Is he willing to have children now? Would he be willing to have his vasectomy reversed or adopt a child with you? Give yourself a reasonable timeline.

A counsellor could help to mediate this conversation; total honesty and clarity about this will help both of you make a decision about the future of your marriage.

[redred]

nice trying to trip him by missing the pill ,seems only one person was telling the truth

[Muddy]

Get out of the marriage. He should have told you about the vasectomy. You however should have not attempted to impregnate yourself w/o his consent..

[DemonGeminiX]

I've known girls that had a strong drive to have children, (not just to adopt, but to actually get pregnant and bear a child... it's a very strong imperative for a lot of women to conceive and bear a child) girls I would have dated but never did because I can't have kids myself. I knew that when all was said and done, it would be an issue for them and the relationship would end. People want what they want. That's just the way it is.

[Teh One Who Knocks]

Get out of the marriage. He should have told you about the vasectomy. You however should have not attempted to impregnate yourself w/o his consent..

He did say 'he could never have kids'....if she wanted more info, she should have asked IMO, especially since they weren't married at the time.

[Muddy]

He did say 'he could never have kids'....if she wanted more info, she should have asked IMO, especially since they weren't married at the time.


He should have disclosed that before they got married.. It's a veiled statement... It's not a marriage built on honesty, but one on trickery... It's doomed.

[DemonGeminiX]

He is as much to blame for this. He should have told her he had a vasectomy. When she asked him what would he do if she got pregnant, he openly said that he would raise the child with her knowing full well that he had a vasectomy and wouldn't be able to impregnate her. He led her on to believe something that wasn't true. He's as much a conniving bastard as she is a conniving bitch.

[Muddy]

Agreed, they both are dishonest people...

BUT! I wonder if the marriage would have ever happened if he would have just told her the complete story before they got married.

[DemonGeminiX]

Agreed, they both are dishonest people...

BUT! I wonder if the marriage would have ever happened if he would have just told her the complete story before they got married.

I sincerely doubt it. It would've been in the back of her mind the whole time:

"He can't give me what I want."

It would have become a huge issue. I'm suspecting that he knew that.

[Teh One Who Knocks]

He is as much to blame for this. He should have told her he had a vasectomy. When she asked him what would he do if she got pregnant, he openly said that he would raise the child with her knowing full well that he had a vasectomy and wouldn't be able to impregnate her. He led her on to believe something that wasn't true. He's as much a conniving bastard as she is a conniving bitch.

He just meant that if she got knocked up by some random dude, he would help raise the baby :hand:

[DemonGeminiX]

He just meant that if she got knocked up by some random dude, he would help raise the baby :hand:

:lol:

I knew that was coming.

[Loser]

made me think of this.

http://chzmemeafterdark.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/naughty-memes-abort.png

[Joebob034]

He should have disclosed that before they got married.. It's a veiled statement... It's not a marriage built on honesty, but one on trickery... It's doomed.

I agree. She's shady doing all that stuff to get pregnant, but let's face it, at some point a married woman is gonna want to have a kid. He should've told her.

[Loser]

Not trying to be a dick here, but how is "I could never have kids" veiled?

I mean, he didn't say I could possibly never have kids, no, he flat out said he could never have kids.

[Muddy]

Not trying to be a dick here, but how is "I could never have kids" veiled?

I mean, he didn't say I could possibly never have kids, no, he flat out said he could never have kids.

You're single, arent you? :lol:

[Acid Trip]

Not trying to be a dick here, but how is "I could never have kids" veiled?

I mean, he didn't say I could possibly never have kids, no, he flat out said he could never have kids.

:+1:

I don't understand what part of "I could never have kids" is veiled either. He either never wants to have kids (mental reservation) or physically can't (low sperm count, vasectomy, etc). Either way he "could never have kids". He told her that from the beginning...

[Loser]

You're single, arent you? :lol:

:-k

what gave it away? The forever alone in my tag above my name? :?

[Muddy]

:lol:


In my opinion... Successful marriages are built on honesty and communication.. anyway.. thats my 2 cents.

[FBD]

I love how a bitch gets married and all of a sudden she realizes this urge to want kids, after she already said I do under the impression that there would never be a chance to have one.

Of course they should both go their separate ways.

[redred]

:lol:


In my opinion... Successful marriages are built on honesty and communication.. anyway.. thats my 2 cents.

i agree with that apart from the marriage thing,if a relationship is built on lies it won't last

[Noilly Pratt]

In my opinion... Successful marriages are built on honesty and communication.. anyway.. thats my 2 cents.

Exactly.

He told her a half-truth..."I could never have kids". He should have said "My body does not produce sperm" or "I have had an operation to negate the possibility of having children".

An opinion, no matter how strong now, can change and some women hope that you will change your mind if you answer "no" about the "do you want kids" question. She was wrong to want to change his mind, but if he had a biological reason that it would never happen, he should have told her. I think he didn't because he was afraid of losing her.

And all the deceitful things she did...I know of 2 other women I've know who've done the same to make it happen. It's more common than you think. One was an old boss of my wife's, the other was a now former friend.

The both of them were running scared, worrying that if the truths were known, then they'd no longer be a couple, which probably would have been the best thing since each of them wants different stuff from a relationship.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

bitches man

[Muddy]

Porky! Dude.. I expect you to back me... Not fuck me... :lol:

[Acid Trip]

bitches man

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRVOalfMDtSV84KaJl5WRj9_X7HW2ZA4 qh9YwY7ncOl3aY4fJS3mg

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Porky! Dude.. I expect you to back me... Not fuck me... :lol:

I do actually agree with you, but I think she has about 90% of the issue, and assign him about 10%.

If you dont have honesty and communication, or you arent married for political reasons.....it will never work ;)

[PorkChopSandwiches]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ich5IlYm3PY

[MrsM]

Is it just me or are people overlooking this point


At the time having kids was not a priority for me, so I brushed it aside.

The problem is that once we got married (five months ago), I realized that having a child is a big priority for me and that I was running out of time.

She changed her mind after they were married. So... as I see it they have "irreconcilable differences"

As for this "Then I asked about what would happen if I got pregnant, and he said we would raise the child together." - I would assume that he was referring to the possibility of a male that has been snipped actually producing some sperm (re-connected) and fathering a child. this may happen (rare) but by no means would I take that as if you change your mind then I would want you to not tell me that you stopped taking the pill and make a life altering decision without discussing it with me first.

Now - I do agree that this couple has communication issues as 1) they did not elaborate on the whole to have or not kids thing, 2) Why would the husband keep letting her take birth control pills when he was snipped? 3) she decided without telling him that she wanted a kid.

But I think what she did as far as not take her pill was worse than him not elaborating on his vasectomy - either way the marrage is doomed

[Acid Trip]

Is it just me or are people overlooking this point



She changed her mind after they were married. So... as I see it they have "irreconcilable differences"

As for this "Then I asked about what would happen if I got pregnant, and he said we would raise the child together." - I would assume that he was referring to the possibility of a male that has been snipped actually producing some sperm (re-connected) and fathering a child. this may happen (rare) but by no means would I take that as if you change your mind then I would want you to not tell me that you stopped taking the pill and make a life altering decision without discussing it with me first.

Now - I do agree that this couple has communication issues as 1) they did not elaborate on the whole to have or not kids thing, 2) Why would the husband keep letting her take birth control pills when he was snipped? 3) she decided without telling him that she wanted a kid.

But I think what she did as far as not take her pill was worse than him not elaborating on his vasectomy - either way the marrage is doomed

I think they are perfect together. Better they stay together and make each other miserable than for them to split and make two more saps miserable with them.

[JoeyB]

I've known girls that had a strong drive to have children, (not just to adopt, but to actually get pregnant and bear a child... it's a very strong imperative for a lot of women to conceive and bear a child) girls I would have dated but never did because I can't have kids myself. I knew that when all was said and done, it would be an issue for them and the relationship would end. People want what they want. That's just the way it is.

That's true...and if someone sincerely cannot get past a certain desire, the want of it will only grow over time.


Not trying to be a dick here, but how is "I could never have kids" veiled?

I mean, he didn't say I could possibly never have kids, no, he flat out said he could never have kids.

I think she took that to mean something other than a physical reason. People often use that phrase to indicate they are not inclined to be a parent, for whatever reason. I'm not defending her, by the way, because what she did was really bad, and I'll discuss that in a moment...but...I can see how she would interpret that the way she did.

Here is something bothering me...she said she stopped taking pills because she knew he would love the baby, right?

Where does one person get off making such a fundamentally life changing decision for another person? Think about what a baby means...that is a choice for both parents...and for her to arbitrarily make it for him is indefensible.

Seriously, someone get RBP up in here, he'll agree with me on that.


bitches man


Porky! Dude.. I expect you to back me... Not fuck me... :lol:

Wouldn't he have to be behind you to fuck you?

[Deepsepia]

I would accidentally-on-purpose skip days of my birth control, eventually ceasing to take the pills at all.


Really, Miss whorebitch?



I knew that if we had a child, my husband would grow to love it.


Gosh, he really must have been confused about what he wanted when he got a vasectomy, right?

This story is priceless for the most fucked up question and answer ever.

I'm trying to decide whether I hate whorebitch "Seeking" or worthless AdviceCunt "Amy" more . . . and down the straight they're running cervix to cervix

How about this advice: "You want a kid, and you don't have a partner who wants one, drop down to the sperm bank . . . lots of folks (med students, mostly) have contributed their little squirt of sunshine with the full knowledge that its for making babies."

No lying, no deceptions, and lickety split, you'll be puking and picking out cribs . . . fair's fair.

[Muddy]

Really, Miss whorebitch?



Gosh, he really must have been confused about what he wanted when he got a vasectomy, right?

This story is priceless for the most fucked up question and answer ever.

I'm trying to decide whether I hate whorebitch "Seeking" or worthless AdviceCunt "Amy" more . . . and down the straight they're running cervix to cervix

How about this advice: "You want a kid, and you don't have a partner who wants one, drop down to the sperm bank . . . lots of folks (med students, mostly) have contributed their little squirt of sunshine with the full knowledge that its for making babies."

No lying, no deceptions, and lickety split, you'll be puking and picking out cribs . . . fair's fair.

Or he could have told her he couldn't have any kids because he had a vasectomy, before they got married? Whats so difficult about that? :lol:

Look, I was married young to a girl that told me, I NEVER want to have kids... I divorced her a few years later... Not because of that, mind you... So I see her these days.. 2 kids and happy..

*im off work, I'll finish this in a bit*

[princegoose]

Most people here are missing the point.

He has said he can never have children. No matter if he can't physically have children, he already said he can't have them. She should have respected that, he's the victim here, not the manipulative cow.

Lets face it, I'm sure we've only heard half the story as is always the case, why should we believe a lying, conniving little life ruiner?

She has wound me up a treat.

[redred]

welcome to the site ,i agree with your post :tup:

[RBP]

Really, Miss whorebitch?

Gosh, he really must have been confused about what he wanted when he got a vasectomy, right?

This story is priceless for the most fucked up question and answer ever.

I'm trying to decide whether I hate whorebitch "Seeking" or worthless AdviceCunt "Amy" more . . . and down the straight they're running cervix to cervix

How about this advice: "You want a kid, and you don't have a partner who wants one, drop down to the sperm bank . . . lots of folks (med students, mostly) have contributed their little squirt of sunshine with the full knowledge that its for making babies."

No lying, no deceptions, and lickety split, you'll be puking and picking out cribs . . . fair's fair.

Go Deeps! :+1: