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dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 07:48 PM
Sheldon: But then some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler that doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?

Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.

Sheldon: I wouldn't.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 07:49 PM
Penny: Four years I lived with him! Four years, I mean that's like as long as high school!

Sheldon: It took you FOUR YEARS to get through high school!

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 07:49 PM
Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?

Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 07:50 PM
Leonard: We need to widen our circle.

Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on MySpace.

Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.

Sheldon: That's the beauty of it.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 07:50 PM
Sheldon: Oh, Mario. How I wish I could control everyone the way I can with you? [Presses buttons frantically]

Sheldon: Hop, you little plumber! Hop, hop, hop!

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 07:50 PM
Sheldon: Of all the women Leonard has dated, she's the only one I have ever found tolerable.

Penny: What about me?

Sheldon: The statement stands by itself.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:00 PM
Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.

Penny: Oh, God.

Sheldon: Yes, exactly.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:05 PM
Sheldon: Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se – that is to say representing himself.

Judge: I know what it means, I went to law school.

Sheldon: Yet you wound up in traffic court.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:07 PM
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?

Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be, my C-men.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:08 PM
Sheldon: At my age do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?

Leonard: At the hands of your room mate?

Sheldon: An accident.

Leonard: That's how I'm going to make it look.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:09 PM
Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.

Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!

Sheldon: No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:25 PM
Rajesh: Why so glum, chum?

Sheldon: Apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:30 PM
Sheldon: I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.

Amy: I'm listening.

Sheldon: With the understanding that nothing changes what so ever - physical or otherwise, I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.

Amy: Interesting, now try it without the quadruple negative.

dragon_hunter
06-19-2012, 08:46 PM
Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Onion rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did you protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then what took you so long?

Hal-9000
06-19-2012, 09:06 PM
:lol:

the man is a legend

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 04:13 PM
Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 04:14 PM
Sheldon (to his mom): But, evolution is not opinion, it's a fact!

Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion!

Sheldon (to Leonard, Howard and Raj): I forgive you, let's go home.

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 04:15 PM
Sheldon: Howard, I have to go to the bathroom and no one will take me home.

Howard: What's wrong with the bathroom here?

Sheldon: Pneumococcus, streptococcus, staphylococcus and other sort of cocusses.

Howard: Sheldon, my mother is on her deathbed and my fiancé is grief-stricken over putting her there. I'm NOT taking you home!

Sheldon: Will you at least go with me to the restroom here so you can open the door and flush the urinal?

Howard: NO!

Sheldon: This might be a good time to point out, Howard, that friendship requires a certain give and take!

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 04:16 PM
Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.

Sheldon: You went out into the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future, which you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we transported to work at the thinkatorium by telepathically controlled dolphins.

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 04:17 PM
Sheldon: You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 04:20 PM
Not from Sheldon but still cool

Amy Farrah Fowler: Did you know the iconic heart shape isn't based on an actual human heart, its based on what a womans ass looks like bending over.

Penny: So in 8th grade, I was dotting my i's with little asses? That's cool.

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 04:37 PM
Sheldon: A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.

dragon_hunter
06-20-2012, 05:32 PM
Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?

Leonard: Not really!

Sheldon: If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.

Leonard: I don't care. 2 millime--? That's doesn't seem right.

Sheldon: It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.

Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?

Sheldon: No. That was the result of my work with lasers.

Hal-9000
06-20-2012, 07:24 PM
:lol: I remember some of these episodes