Are you a twat?

[Goofy]

With a twat cull planned for later in the year, taking this simple test devised by expert twattologists could save your life. Simply answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each of the following questions to discover whether you are a twat.

The Institute for Studies’ Twat Test

1. Have you ever kissed your own bicep?

2. Do you know the names of two or more luxury jam brands?

3. Are you in favour of Ben Elton?

4. When arriving by car to collect a friend, do you simply pull up in the middle of the road and honk your horn until they emerge?

5. Have you ever registered a Twitter account in the name of a celebrity’s pet?

6. Do you regularly use the word ‘lifestyle’?

7. Do you consider yourself more knowledgeable about wine than others in your peer group?

8. Would you describe yourself as having a ‘packed schedule’?

9. Do you work in television?

10. Have you already planned your costume for next year’s Bestival?

11. Have you ever been described as ‘excitable’?

12. Can you juggle, or do you think juggling is good?

OK – Am I a twat?



6-12 yeses: You are a twat. Congratulations! Not really, you’re dreadful.

5-1 yeses: You a borderline twat, standing at the crossroads of twatdom. There is a small amount of hope for you, if you cancel your subscription to Stylish Masturbator magazine.

0 yeses: You are not a twat. Well done. Unfortunately you will never make any money and are doomed to live in a perpetual state of frustration.

[Loser]

With a twat cull planned for later in the year, taking this simple test devised by expert twattologists could save your life. Simply answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each of the following questions to discover whether you are a twat.

The Institute for Studies’ Twat Test

1. Have you ever kissed your own bicep? No.

2. Do you know the names of two or more luxury jam brands? No.

3. Are you in favour of Ben Elton? Who the fuck is ben elton? :-k

4. When arriving by car to collect a friend, do you simply pull up in the middle of the road and honk your horn until they emerge? Yes.

5. Have you ever registered a Twitter account in the name of a celebrity’s pet? No.

6. Do you regularly use the word ‘lifestyle’? No.

7. Do you consider yourself more knowledgeable about wine than others in your peer group? Mad dog 20/20 baby! :twisted:

8. Would you describe yourself as having a ‘packed schedule’? I have so much free time, I take boredom naps....

9. Do you work in television? No.

10. Have you already planned your costume for next year’s Bestival? Bestival?

11. Have you ever been described as ‘excitable’? No, unless they are talking about my penis.

12. Can you juggle, or do you think juggling is good? I can juggle.

OK – Am I a twat?



6-12 yeses: You are a twat. Congratulations! Not really, you’re dreadful.

5-1 yeses: You a borderline twat, standing at the crossroads of twatdom. There is a small amount of hope for you, if you cancel your subscription to Stylish Masturbator magazine.

0 yeses: You are not a twat. Well done. Unfortunately you will never make any money and are doomed to live in a perpetual state of frustration.


Borderline twat I guess :lol:

[Noilly Pratt]

1. Have you ever kissed your own bicep? Only when my elbow wasn't available

2. Do you know the names of two or more luxury jam brands? There's such a thing as "luxury jam"? What's next, designer jellies?

3. Are you in favour of Ben Elton? Is that Elton John's brother? Never heard of him. I have been asked about Ben Dover, though.

4. When arriving by car to collect a friend, do you simply pull up in the middle of the road and honk your horn until they emerge? Never. I don't collect friends - there's always someone with a better collection than you.

5. Have you ever registered a Twitter account in the name of a celebrity’s pet? no, but I do subscribe to my niece's dog. She's a good bitch.

6. Do you regularly use the word ‘lifestyle’? No, because I don't have one...it's just a series of events, not anything calculated out. That work suggests an organized life, which mine is not..

7. Do you consider yourself more knowledgeable about wine than others in your peer group? yes, but my peer group consists of beer swilling hellraiser. The bar is set incredibly low, etc.

8. Would you describe yourself as having a ‘packed schedule’? No. Loose

9. Do you work in television? No, too many circuits to jump around in.

10. Have you already planned your costume for next year’s Bestival? Is that like Lolapoloosa?

11. Have you ever been described as ‘excitable’? Only Warren Zevon should be the "Excitable Boy"

12. Can you juggle, or do you think juggling is good?I juggle my finances but I don't like to handle balls:

[RBP]

:tldr:

but yes, yes I am.

[RBP]

With a twat cull planned for later in the year, taking this simple test devised by expert twattologists could save your life. Simply answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each of the following questions to discover whether you are a twat.

The Institute for Studies’ Twat Test

1. Have you ever kissed your own bicep?[B] No

2. Do you know the names of two or more luxury jam brands? No

3. Are you in favour of Ben Elton? who?

4. When arriving by car to collect a friend, do you simply pull up in the middle of the road and honk your horn until they emerge? No

5. Have you ever registered a Twitter account in the name of a celebrity’s pet? No

6. Do you regularly use the word ‘lifestyle’? No

7. Do you consider yourself more knowledgeable about wine than others in your peer group? No

8. Would you describe yourself as having a ‘packed schedule’? No

9. Do you work in television? No

10. Have you already planned your costume for next year’s Bestival? what?

11. Have you ever been described as ‘excitable’? No

12. Can you juggle, or do you think juggling is good? No

OK – Am I a twat? Yes, yes you are. Oh wait... was that a question? 8-[



6-12 yeses: You are a twat. Congratulations! Not really, you’re dreadful.

5-1 yeses: You a borderline twat, standing at the crossroads of twatdom. There is a small amount of hope for you, if you cancel your subscription to Stylish Masturbator magazine.

0 yeses: You are not a twat. Well done. Unfortunately you will never make any money and are doomed to live in a perpetual state of frustration.

ok, so I got bored and read it.

Non-twat and broke as it suggests I would be. :|

[Hugh_Janus]

according to the OP I'm not a twat, but I know I am.... so there must be different types of twat
Who the fuck is ben elton?
a fucking big, unfunny twat

[Hal-9000]

I only made it to number 1....recently at work I kissed both biceps and told a sales rep she had two free tickets to the gun show :lol: (thx Ron B)

[Teh One Who Knocks]

With a twat cull planned for later in the year, taking this simple test devised by expert twattologists could save your life. Simply answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each of the following questions to discover whether you are a twat.

The Institute for Studies’ Twat Test

1. Have you ever kissed your own bicep? NO

2. Do you know the names of two or more luxury jam brands? NO

3. Are you in favour of Ben Elton? WHO??

4. When arriving by car to collect a friend, do you simply pull up in the middle of the road and honk your horn until they emerge? NO

5. Have you ever registered a Twitter account in the name of a celebrity’s pet? NO

6. Do you regularly use the word ‘lifestyle’? NO

7. Do you consider yourself more knowledgeable about wine than others in your peer group? Wine is for girls and gheys

8. Would you describe yourself as having a ‘packed schedule’? NO

9. Do you work in television? NO

10. Have you already planned your costume for next year’s Bestival? WTF is a Bestival?

11. Have you ever been described as ‘excitable’? NO

12. Can you juggle, or do you think juggling is good? NO

OK – Am I a twat?



6-12 yeses: You are a twat. Congratulations! Not really, you’re dreadful.

5-1 yeses: You a borderline twat, standing at the crossroads of twatdom. There is a small amount of hope for you, if you cancel your subscription to Stylish Masturbator magazine.

0 yeses: You are not a twat. Well done. Unfortunately you will never make any money and are doomed to live in a perpetual state of frustration.

Something tells me this is a British-centric questionnaire

[DemonGeminiX]

:nono:

Don't lie, Lance. We all know you kiss your biceps.

[Goofy]

I have no idea what Bestival is either btw :lol: Ben Elton is a comedian/writer.......... decent writer but shitty comedian!

[FBD]

:lol: I know more about wine than most of my friends, and I can juggle

[Goofy]

:lol: I know more about wine than most of my friends, and I can juggle

Twat :hand:
















:lol:

[Teh One Who Knocks]

I have no idea what Bestival is either btw :lol: Ben Elton is a comedian/writer.......... decent writer but shitty comedian!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bestival

[Goofy]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bestival

Ah, a festival primarily for shite music :tup:

[Teh One Who Knocks]

:nono:

Don't lie, Lance. We all know you kiss your biceps.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-eL0Gksgdo

[redred]

Bestival is a music festival on the isle of white ,gets some big names down there