Teh One Who Knocks
11-21-2012, 01:52 PM
By Eric Larson | Mashable
http://i.imgur.com/kJ6GS.jpg
Helen Philpot is not dead yet (she wants to make sure you know that). Far from it. To the blogging octogenarian, Thanksgiving is still an important tradition -- and, as far as she's concerned, there's a certain set of rules to doing it right. So if you're still interested in being included in the family will, you best be on time, keep the politics talk to a hush and leave your cell phones at the door with your vegetarian friends. And don't even think about bringing Jell-O salad.
Philpot, who authors the Margaret and Helen blog with her "best friend for 60 years," posted a hilarious -- and apparently, sincere -- set of rules for Thursday's meal. It's classic sass, with just the right amount of mean.
Here are a few of our favorites:
"I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That’s nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That’s why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy … look at me. I’ve outlived almost everyone I know."
"Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things."
"Cloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time honey. You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the HEB bakery."
"Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?"
"Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space."
"Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed."
See the full set of rules here (http://margaretandhelen.com/2012/11/19/thanksgiving-letter-to-the-family-2012/). Does your family have any strict requirements for Thanksgiving? Do you think Helen's rules are the real deal or a bit of Internet trickery?
http://i.imgur.com/kJ6GS.jpg
Helen Philpot is not dead yet (she wants to make sure you know that). Far from it. To the blogging octogenarian, Thanksgiving is still an important tradition -- and, as far as she's concerned, there's a certain set of rules to doing it right. So if you're still interested in being included in the family will, you best be on time, keep the politics talk to a hush and leave your cell phones at the door with your vegetarian friends. And don't even think about bringing Jell-O salad.
Philpot, who authors the Margaret and Helen blog with her "best friend for 60 years," posted a hilarious -- and apparently, sincere -- set of rules for Thursday's meal. It's classic sass, with just the right amount of mean.
Here are a few of our favorites:
"I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That’s nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That’s why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy … look at me. I’ve outlived almost everyone I know."
"Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things."
"Cloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time honey. You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the HEB bakery."
"Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?"
"Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space."
"Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed."
See the full set of rules here (http://margaretandhelen.com/2012/11/19/thanksgiving-letter-to-the-family-2012/). Does your family have any strict requirements for Thanksgiving? Do you think Helen's rules are the real deal or a bit of Internet trickery?