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Teh One Who Knocks
04-11-2013, 11:27 AM
This week in HOA horror stories: A homeowners association in Florida makes a nice old lady cry after ordering her to remove an angel statue — a reminder of her late husband — from her front yard.
Matt Hickman - Mother Nature Network


http://i.imgur.com/hg9cRdL.jpg

While garden gnomes may have recently made great strides toward acceptance at the U.K.’s premiere garden show, it’s a whole other story at the Ashton Lakes subdivision in Port Orange, Fla., where the wee pipe-smoking fellas — and all other forms of front yard statuary be it animals, magical woodland creatures, or 19 replicas of Michelangelo’s David — have been effectively declared as verboten by the neighborhood HOA.

Now this might not seem that severe of a demand for a homeowners association to make considering that most forms of lawn décor are, well, godawful hideous. Let’s just say if I were the power-hungry despot-in-chief of an HOA, I’d encourage edible front gardens but impose a $250/week fine on anyone defying my strict no-gazing-ball covenant.

However, there’s a rather icky, “for the love of God, just grandfather her in” aspect to this story not that much unlike the tale of Kimberly Bois, a condo owner in New Hampshire who was sued by her condo association for refusing to tear up a neat little patch of blooms transplanted from her late mother’s garden to in front of her own unit. (Long story short, Bois planted the memorial garden — with the developer’s written consent — two years before the condo association was even formed).

You see, Norma Freije, a 13-year resident of Ashton Lakes, has long had a seraphim statue placed in her super-tidy front yard as a tribute to her beloved late husband. “I have her lit up at night with a solar light. She looks so beautiful," a weepy Freije tells Orlando-based TV station WESH of the decidedly non-flashy angel statue. "I just have it because I lost my husband, and it's just sentimental, that's all."

The Ashhston Lakes homeowners association couldn’t care less about the deep emotional attachment that Freije has with the angel. Or with the pelican, egrets or gnome that also populate her front yard. If it’s an inanimate decorative object in a front or side yard, it has to go under the new guidelines — and it doesn’t matter if said "yard art" has been there for years. If the statues are not removed, Freije and the dozens of other homeowners within the 139-home community who also received "stern" letters from the HOA must fork over a fine.

Another resident of the subdivision has been asked to remove not a statue but a basketball hoop from his driveway. “A basketball hoop for children to play at the end of a cul-de-sac — I don't see how that affects values," the homeowner tells WESH.

WESH tried to contact the HOA president about Freije and her offending angel. He wasn’t at home but reporter Claire Metz did discover a decorative water fountain in his yard and a cat statue somewhat hidden away near his front door. Busted.

Pony
04-11-2013, 11:30 AM
Good, angel statues are evil.

Noraf45
04-11-2013, 12:53 PM
Good, angel statues are evil.

Whatever you do, don't blink.

Have I mentioned that I hate HOAs? A completely unnecessary artificial construct that people PAY to tell them what they can do with their own property. It raises the bar on absurdity.

Muddy
04-11-2013, 01:08 PM
Whatever you do, don't blink.



:thumbsup:

Acid Trip
04-11-2013, 01:28 PM
(Long story short, Bois planted the memorial garden — with the developer’s written consent — two years before the condo association was even formed).

Someone hire this woman a lawyer. A judge will laugh the HOA out of the courtroom.

perrhaps
04-11-2013, 07:37 PM
Even though I'm still alive, my wife has placed one of those Negro-jockey-holding-a-lantern things at the end of our driveway to alert any and all passersby about my relative stature in our house.

Think I should form a HOA?

Muddy
04-11-2013, 07:41 PM
Even though I'm still alive, my wife has placed one of those Negro-jockey-holding-a-lantern things at the end of our driveway to alert any and all passersby about my relative stature in our house.

Think I should form a HOA?

I have a negro boy statue in my shed.. I am not brave enough to set it out front.. :lol:

perrhaps
04-11-2013, 08:11 PM
I have a negro boy statue in my shed.. I am not brave enough to set it out front.. :lol:

Want my wife to come by and put it out front with a water-proof "Muddy" nametag on it?

Muddy
04-11-2013, 08:13 PM
Want my wife to come by and put it out front with a water-proof "Muddy" nametag on it?

I have a half smoked Marlboro Red in his mouth now.. :lol:

perrhaps
04-11-2013, 08:15 PM
I have a half smoked Marlboro Red in his mouth now.. :lol:

You know, if President Obama had a midget son, he'd look just like that.

Hal-9000
04-11-2013, 08:16 PM
hey! the two guys with negro statues?

if you're callin them negro statues it's probably best you leave them in the shed :lol:






*is that the little jockey/stable type of black statue? I thought those things were outlawed :lol:

Hal-9000
04-11-2013, 08:19 PM
and these people won't allow garden gnomes?????

screw them, I'd set up a fuckton of the little guys in a concert scenario....4 guys on a stage with about 100 watching

perrhaps
04-11-2013, 08:26 PM
hey! the two guys with negro statues?

if you're callin them negro statues it's probably best you leave them in the shed :lol:


Mind your own goddamn business, you pissant Cannuck!



*is that the little jockey/stable type of black statue? I thought those things were outlawed :lol:

When Negro jockey statues are outlawed, only outlaws will have Negro jockey statues. If you don't believe me, just ask FBD !

DemonGeminiX
04-11-2013, 08:33 PM
My redneck neighbor doesn't believe in using statues. He has the real thing out on his front lawn.