"WE F**KING SUCK SO FAR": A Sorority Girl Lashes Out At Her Sisters (NSFW Language in Text)

[Teh One Who Knocks]

Drew Magary - Deadspin


http://i.imgur.com/TmGDjje.jpg

I always like to picture sororities as places where college girls stage elaborately decorated mixers and then spend the rest of the week gouging out each other's eyes. And thankfully, the remarkable email you're about to read proves all of my theories correct. From reader Erik: "This is from the University of Maryland. Apparently, this is from the chair of a 'lower tier, very awkward sorority' that's been matched up with a 'pretty good frat' for Greek Week."


If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee [first name redacted], I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.

This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But [first name redacted]!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the Greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

-[Last name redacted]

[Goofy]

Hahahahaha, that's great :lol: You got her number? :shifty:

[deebakes]

:giggity:

[Teh One Who Knocks]

By Beth Greenfield, Shine Staff | Healthy Living


http://i.imgur.com/R6u6aew.jpg

The mean-girl sorority rant read round the world has taken a somewhat predictable turn, with Delta Gamma president Rebecca Martinson “resigning” from her sorority Wednesday because of her profanity-laced, media-frenzy inducing email.

“Delta Gamma has accepted the resignation of one of its members whose email relating to a social event has been widely distributed and publicized through social media and traditional media channels. The tone and content of the email was highly inappropriate and unacceptable by any standard,” read Wednesday’s announcement on the University of Maryland sorority’s Facebook page. “All reasonable people can agree, this is an email that should never have been sent.” Further, Delta Gamma now considers the matter “closed.”

Dream on, sisters. Since Gawker first shared the email a week ago, Martinson’s f-bomb-, threat-laced fury at fellow Delta Gamma members for “literally” being “boring,” “awkward,” “weird,” “mentally slow” and “stupid” has gone seriously viral, with major news outlets from ABC News to CNN giving it coverage. It’s also spawned a slew of hysterical parodies, including actor Michael Shannon’s pitch-perfect delivery, a stop-motion Barbie performance on the YouTube show the "Most Popular Girls in School," a reading by an animated Joe Pesci, and a scary-funny dramatic reading by standup comedian Kelsey Cook.

So why has Martinson’s screed been such popular online fodder? Many reasons, according to Michael Fertik, founder and CEO of Reputation.com, who told CNN it was because of the "mean girls" stereotype, the surprise factor of "something so vulgar and crude being spouted by someone who looks fairly angelic,” and the fact that a quick search of her social media accounts revealed other less-than-politic moments. And, he added, the email could follow the college junior for years.

“The Internet is forever,” Fertik added. “Unfortunately for her, her ‘online tattoo’ will stick with her for a long, long time—and it will likely color how peers, future employers, grad school admissions officers, etc., regard her as a person. She’s going to have to work very hard to show that she's taken this experience and used it to grow into a more mature, thoughtful, tolerant and compassionate person.”

[Hal-9000]

"I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU."

That's actually a crime....and in text no less.


see ya!!! :lol:

[RBP]

Wow, that may be the greatest email I have ever read. :lol:

[RBP]

This made me cry laughing. :lol:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wH5WvWB7m0

[DemonGeminiX]

She's wife material.

:tup:

[RBP]

This one might be even better! :rofl:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQB812PtvgE