Norm MacDonald - The Moth joke

[PorkChopSandwiches]

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8c4_1306857615

[Goofy]

I stuck it out 'til the end :slap:

[RBP]

:rofl: I swear that guy must be constantly stoned.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

The build up is what makes the delivery so sweet

[Noilly Pratt]

I like it when a comedian can deliver a "shaggy dog" story well.

Here's the story of the no-handed bell ringer:

The bell ringer at the cathedral had retired after many years of service, so the priest placed an ad in the paper for a new bell ringer. The next day, a man came to apply for the job, but the priest couldn't help noticing that he had no arms.

"How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?" he asked. "Let me show you, the man replied."

So they trudged up the many stair to the bell tower. The man stood against the wall, got a running start and ran at full speed toward the largest bell. When he struck the bell with his face, it made the most beautiful sound that the priest had ever heard.

Then the man ran at another bell and with the first bell still resonating, the harmony was magnificent. He ran again at a third bell, but this time he slipped and instead of hitting the bell he skidded out the window and fell to his death on the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside, where a crowd had formed around the dead man's body. "Who is this?" the crowd asked. The priest replied,

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.





"Well, I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."

About a week later, another man came to see the priest. He looked just like the first man, including the fact that he had no arms.

"I understand that my twin brother was here last week and met an unfortunate demise," the man said. "It was always his ambition to be a bell ringer at a great cathedral, and I appreciate you giving him a chance."

"Since he was unable to fulfill his lifetime goal, I insist that you let me have the job in his honor," said the man.

"Well," said the priest, "You can try if you wish, but I must warn you it's very dangerous. That's how your brother died."

But the man insisted, and they went up to the bell tower. This time, the armless man was able to ring five of the bells and the resulting melody enchanted everyone who heard it. But as he was attempting the sixth bell, he too slipped and fell to his death.

Again, the priest rushed downstairs, and again the crowd asked, "Who is this man?"

This time, the priest replied,

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.








"He never told me his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

[Noilly Pratt]

Another one...a mouldy oldie a friend's dad told me when I was a pre-teen.

Sam Clam and Larry lobster were the best of friends living at the bottom of the ocean. They were practically inseparable, which explains how they both got caught in a lobster trap together and died together.

Larry Lobster found himself at the Gates of Heaven talking to Peter.

"Larry, welcome to Eternity. Here you will be eternally happy before God."

Larry was overwhelmed by the glorious sights, but one thought crept in, "Peter, I am overjoyed to be allowed the glories of the Kingdom of Heaven, but where is my friend Sam Clam. I wish to be with him at this happy time."

Peter looking a bit puzzled started paging through a large book. After a few minutes he closed that book and pulled out an even larger, thicker black book. Finally he stopped and stabbed at the page, "Ah-ha! Sam Clam is in Hell."

"Hell?" asked Larry Lobster, incredulously. "There must be some mistake, Sam and I were together all the time. How could I and not..."

Peter cut him off, "Apparently Sam lied once and once had an impure thought. Please, Sam is not worthy of you or of this place. Take pleasure in all of the glory."

"Can I at least visit Sam and say goodbye?"

A horrified Peter responded, "Of course not! You cannot visit Hell, you are in heaven. Please Larry, go get your robe, wings, and harp and take refuge in the beauty which awaits you."

Larry acquiesced to Peter, but he remained despondent and sad, despite being in Heaven and all it promised. Larry frequently requested the opportunity to visit his friend Sam Clam. Each time Peter rebuffed him. Larry's depression was so extreme that others in Heaven were not enjoying the afterlife as they had been promised. Eventually God heard of this and summoned Peter.

"Peter, what is wrong with Larry Lobster?" And Peter explained. "Did you tell him it was not reasonable to go to Hell once you had attained Heaven?" And Peter explained that he had. "Then I guess we must make an exception, under certain conditions..." and God explained to Peter what Peter explained to Larry.

"Larry you may go to Hell to visit your friend, Sam Clam. However, you must return before the clock strikes twelve, you must not damage or lose your three Holy possessions: your robe, your wings, or your harp. Do you understand?"

"Oh yes, yes, thank you! Thank you!" and with that Larry rushed down to Hell to visit Sam Clam.

When he got there he was startled to see Sam Clam running a disco. People were dancing and drinking and it was dark so Larry could not find Sam right away. Then from behind he heard "Larry Lobster is that you? I thought you were in Heaven?"

Larry turned around and saw his old friend Sam Clam, dressed to the nines, "Sam I just came to visit and to finally say goodbye."

The two of them talked and reminisced for hours. Larry was enjoying himself immensely, totally oblivious to the time when Sam Clam said "You had better go, it is almost time"

"But I want to stay here..."

"No Larry, this is not your place. There are things here I won't mention. Go back to Heaven and be happy."

So with tears in their eyes they said their good-byes. Larry rushed up to Heaven and reached the Gates just as the clock struck twelve. Peter was waiting.

"Larry, you barely made it," said Peter.

"I know but I..."

"And your robe is filthy, " said a disgusted Peter.

"I can explain, you see..."

"And your wings! One is ripped and the other is practically fallen off," chastised Peter.

"Funny you should mention that, because..."

"And your harp, Larry, where is your harp?" asked a disappointed Peter.

"Oh dear," answered Larry, "I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco."