Goofy
12-20-2013, 05:24 PM
http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/6940/ru86.jpg (http://img43.imageshack.us/i/ru86.jpg/)
BRITAIN’S pubs will have a section of the bar reserved for people who know what they’re doing this Christmas.
With Christmas hostelries full of people buying coffee with a debit card, sections of the bar will be solely for habitual drinkers who want to get hammered and know precisely how they’d like that to happen.
Pub owner Tom Logan said: “While I’m giving samples of our real ale to some bell end who’s just going to order a half of Fosters, I could be servicing our core clientele of red men with poor home lives.
“Christmas is a time for happiness, family and laughter so I should be getting our regulars – who have none of those things – as pissed as possible.”
Users of the professional lane require a drinker’s licence. Applicants are assessed on whether they order Guinness before their other drinks, can demonstrate awareness of how long others have been waiting and are able to carry three drinks without a tray.
Pub aficionado Wayne Hayes said: “My local has the misfortune of being bang opposite the business district so every December I’m forced to wait an extra 90 seconds to self-medicate with Stella while some lightweight goes through the crisp options for the fourth time.
“Roll on January when the only sound to be heard in here is the gentle sobbing of Frank after his horse comes in fifth.”
BRITAIN’S pubs will have a section of the bar reserved for people who know what they’re doing this Christmas.
With Christmas hostelries full of people buying coffee with a debit card, sections of the bar will be solely for habitual drinkers who want to get hammered and know precisely how they’d like that to happen.
Pub owner Tom Logan said: “While I’m giving samples of our real ale to some bell end who’s just going to order a half of Fosters, I could be servicing our core clientele of red men with poor home lives.
“Christmas is a time for happiness, family and laughter so I should be getting our regulars – who have none of those things – as pissed as possible.”
Users of the professional lane require a drinker’s licence. Applicants are assessed on whether they order Guinness before their other drinks, can demonstrate awareness of how long others have been waiting and are able to carry three drinks without a tray.
Pub aficionado Wayne Hayes said: “My local has the misfortune of being bang opposite the business district so every December I’m forced to wait an extra 90 seconds to self-medicate with Stella while some lightweight goes through the crisp options for the fourth time.
“Roll on January when the only sound to be heard in here is the gentle sobbing of Frank after his horse comes in fifth.”