Masturbate in the McDonald's Parking Lot at Your Own Risk

[Teh One Who Knocks]

Adam Weinstein - Gawker


http://i.imgur.com/i5b7T1U.jpg

An elderly Florida man was arrested last week for allegedly masturbating to porn on a laptop in the front seat of his Mercedes, while parked at the local McDonald's.

Spencer Toner, 79, was allegedly lovin' it when he "was observed by a deputy inside his 1982 black Mercedes Benz C300 looking at pornographic pictures on a laptop computer," according to the Southwest Florida News-Press:


After knocking on the car window, the deputy said Toner rolled the window down, removed the laptop, and asked if he could help the officer.

The deputy said that once the laptop was removed he saw that Toner's pants were unbuttoned and there was a white rag placed between his legs.

Toner told the deputy that he'd stopped by McDonald's to "get a bite to eat," according to WBBH-TV. But a witness who identified Toner said the man had been happily jerking it in the car, even as kids walked by, and when asked to stop by passersby, he "told them they were invading his privacy."

Toner, who says he lives out of his car, was booked for indecent exposure and released on a $2,000 bond. It was unclear from the reports whether he had gotten a Happy Meal.

[Griffin]

A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine.

The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. He sneezes again, unzips and wipes himself off with the handkerchief.

The woman says, "Sir, that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."

He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing condition that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze."

The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, says with sympathy, "Oh, you poor man. What do you take for it?"

"Pepper," he answers.