Mom feels cheated by birthday gift inequity

[Teh One Who Knocks]

By Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy


http://i.imgur.com/JtGaNmg.jpg

Dear Amy:

I would like your thoughts on what is fair for "only" children and their families where birthday presents are concerned.

You see, my daughter is an only child and we are friends with many families with multiple children. We attend birthday parties and purchase gifts for these multiples when their birthdays roll around at various times of the year.

I can't help but feel that this is unfair when we obviously purchase an individual gift per sibling at their parties, but when it comes time for our child's birthday, the parents provide one present from both of their children for the same monetary value as one child would normally spend.

For example, I typically spend around $30 per gift for a child, and $30 more for the sibling's birthday when that rolls around, but the gift their family provides to our one child is a $30 value and comes addressed from both kids.

We normally have our daughter's party at an external place such as the zoo and have to pay per party guest, so we are also paying admission for each of the family's two children. Is it unreasonable to expect a gift from each attendee — or a gift with a higher value if they combine?

Aren't they double dipping? — Ripped-off Mom

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Dear Ripped-off: One way to deal with this inequity would be to have two more children as quickly as possible. If you have even one more child than your other friends and give one gift from your (larger) family to birthday revelers, you will win the birthday math challenge. Alternatively, you could limit the number of birthday invitations you accept annually on your child's behalf (or spend less on gifts), so that your child gives the exact same dollar value of gifts per family as she receives throughout the year.

However, I suspect that if you continue to choose to keep score in this way, your group of friends will diminish roughly in proportion to the energy you extend worrying about this. Hosting parties at state parks, playgrounds or your own backyard won't make you feel so burdened by the cost of venues.

[Griffin]

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/c3/c3d4918220b8b60fd9a617bae2017aa1e0eaff2de0d161b589 77f961ef4550bd.jpg

[RBP]

I understand where she's coming from. Non-breeders get ripped off at holidays and birthdays. Not buying gifts is as socially awkward as complaining about the inequality.

[deebakes]

:(

[Hal-9000]

I understand where she's coming from. Non-breeders get ripped off at holidays and birthdays. Not buying gifts is as socially awkward as complaining about the inequality.

not only that, you get discriminated against in the workplace...people with families get larger raises, get excused for overtime and generally are looked at more favorably in terms of long term commitment than single folk without little mouth breathing ankle biters...



and yes this story of only children is stupid with a capital dumb

[PorkChopSandwiches]

I understand where she's coming from. Non-breeders get ripped off at holidays and birthdays. Not buying gifts is as socially awkward as complaining about the inequality.

:slap:

Then dont go

[Hal-9000]

a version of this happens to me every Christmas...I average giving 15-18 gifts every year. Some large, some small. And I usually get 3 back :lol: Reason being is I give individual gifts to all family members and their family in return will give me a gift as a group.

:oops: I shouldn't have made this post because I do love Christmas and the opportunity to give people stuff...sometimes you don't talk much to them all year long or give them anything else. So it does feel good for me...

My Dad of all people brings this up one year in the past in front of a fuckton of family members.....Gee hal, you sure get ripped off at Christmas! :lol:

[PorkChopSandwiches]

My family is huge, we decided long ago to only get kids gifts. All the adults "gift" is being together and having a meal

[Muddy]

a version of this happens to me every Christmas...I average giving 15-18 gifts every year. Some large, some small. And I usually get 3 back :lol: Reason being is I give individual gifts to all family members and their family in return will give me a gift as a group.

:oops: I shouldn't have made this post because I do love Christmas and the opportunity to give people stuff...sometimes you don't talk much to them all year long or give them anything else. So it does feel good for me...

My Dad of all people brings this up one year in the past in front of a fuckton of family members.....Gee hal, you sure get ripped off at Christmas! :lol:

You fail at Christian. It's about giving, not receiving. :hand:

[Teh One Who Knocks]

Up until the last couple of years that me an my g/f have been together, I have always been the single guy going to holidays and parties and whatnot and not once did I ever think that I needed to "keep score" as to whether I was getting the same value in gifts as I was giving. I would much rather give gifts than receive them. If your whole goal in having a party for your kid (or gifts during holidays or whatever) is to make sure that you are getting as much or more than you giving out, then you have a serious problem IMO.

[Hal-9000]

My family is huge, we decided long ago to only get kids gifts. All the adults "gift" is being together and having a meal

I give to obscure people....single Mom, some charity things etc....I have a relatively small family so I can't really complain

it's a guilt thing for me more than anything :lol:

[Hal-9000]

You fail at Christian. It's about giving, not receiving. :hand:

oh I give quite a bit in my life...shouldn't have made the post I guess...and you don't have to be Christian to be kind, wish people would understand there's no rule :lol:

[Hal-9000]

Up until the last couple of years that me an my g/f have been together, I have always been the single guy going to holidays and parties and whatnot and not once did I ever think that I needed to "keep score" as to whether I was getting the same value in gifts as I was giving. I would much rather give gifts than receive them. If your whole goal in having a party for your kid (or gifts during holidays or whatever) is to make sure that you are getting as much or more than you giving out, then you have a serious problem IMO.

That's what I said to my Pa.....and he knows. I give till it hurts on occasions and he says things like - I only needed a pair of socks. :|

How do you give only that to someone you love at Christmas :lol:

[Hal-9000]

:lol: I'm trying to remember this mini rant from an old coworker....she was a Mom with one kid and was saying something to a group of us about Halloween that was similar to the story posted.

Something about her having only one kid and only getting so much candy, while other families have multiple kids....

OH! It was her saying - I shouldn't have to give multiple pieces of candy out when a group of kids was on the step, because her kid only gets one :lol: It was surreal because she was serious

[Muddy]

Hal, take your tarnished cross and get the fuck out of this thread... :coat:

[Hal-9000]

that's why God loves me....I'm a work in progress :)



He does give the odd unscheduled warning tho when I cross certain lines :oops:

Shit like *scary disembodied voice * HAL...STOP IT NOW. DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU PCS AND AUTOMATICALLY HIT THE TRAPDOOR WHEN YOU REACH HEAVEN...HMMMM?

[Muddy]

http://i.imgur.com/MQu6peW.jpg

[RBP]

:slap:

Then dont go


Up until the last couple of years that me an my g/f have been together, I have always been the single guy going to holidays and parties and whatnot and not once did I ever think that I needed to "keep score" as to whether I was getting the same value in gifts as I was giving. I would much rather give gifts than receive them. If your whole goal in having a party for your kid (or gifts during holidays or whatever) is to make sure that you are getting as much or more than you giving out, then you have a serious problem IMO.

I never said anything of the sort. I said I understood her perspective and from a money stand point, it is grossly inequitable. That's just math (that means maths for the UK folks). Not participating is an option, but not a good one, Porky. There have been other "advice" columns posted about the ignorant childless couple who has chosen to come to Christmas after gift giving - why are they ignorant? Homeowners get huge advantages over renters as another example. The entire society is structured to support families and yes, that is at the expense of singles and non-breeders and renters (which happen to usual fit those two categories also). It even now applies to cell phones plans. How are 4 phones like $200 but 2 is $150? It's just the way it is, right or wrong.

As for adults, my family doesn't do adult holiday gifts. We pool the money for gifts for a needy Chicago family.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

The only tax benefits to home owners is the ability to write off interest. Which is essentially a tax on money all ready

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Also I was kidding about not going.

[DemonGeminiX]

math (that means maths for the UK folks).

Thank you. You have no idea how much that irks me.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

The only tax benefits to home owners is the ability to write off interest. Which is essentially a tax on money all ready

Plus you have to pay property tax on top of that, which renters don't have to pay

[RBP]

The only tax benefits to home owners is the ability to write off interest. Which is essentially a tax on money all ready


Plus you have to pay property tax on top of that, which renters don't have to pay

Those massive government bailouts in the mortgage crisis went to whom? What did renter's get from that? They got to pay taxes to pay for homeowner's and Wall Street's irresponsibility is what they got along with the responsible homeowner's who actually paid their bills. And hell yes renters pay property taxes. It just isn't a separate line item, that expense is built into the cost of operating the building and therefore the rent.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Should have dirtbagged it up while you had the chance....#ObamaMoney

[deebakes]

i started a gofundme page for you all to donate if you want :shrug: