air hostess should quit her job and become a comedian

[redred]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07LFBydGjaM

[Hal-9000]

gonna be some surprised faces if they actually had to use the life vests or oxygen masks :lol:

[redred]

what no gin ?

[Hal-9000]

we had an in-airport announcer like that in the terminal...

late one Tuesday night we're in the inner sanctum of the gate, just waiting to board and the guy standing there picks up the mic - Ok all passengers for Westjet flight 264, please get your boarding passes, ID and bribes ready. If you have any unsecured children, they will be placed in the cargo hold and probably end up in Paris. If you can't be quiet and orderly in line while waiting to board, you'll probably end up in Paris as well. I hope you can speak French and don't mind the 2500 dollar return ticket.


:lol: the guy said a whole bunch of stuff I can't recall and was hilarious....probably about 25 people for the hour and half flight that night. When we got on board same guy says - Sit where you want once we get up the air and the captain turns the seatbelt light off. We don't care :lol:

[redred]

:lol:

[Hal-9000]

One flight my niece and I are coming home from the west coast. They won't turn the seat belt light off about 45 minutes after the flight started. Then we get this announcement - Welcome to blah blah blah and this is the pilot's first flight as pilot. Also, right now, his wife is in labor in a Calgary hospital (our destination) and it's their first baby! Also, we're experiencing some turbulence so we have to ask that you stay in your seats with seatbelts on. This is not negotiable, if you have to use the bathroom please notify an attendant and some sort of arrangements will be made.

So we have a rookie pilot, his wife is popping out their first kid, the turbulence is BAD and my niece had to use the bathroom since we started the flight. Then the flight attendant right beside me sits down cross legged in the aisle and asks me politely if I wouldn't mind holding the cart? :lol:

I hold the cart and ask - Can my niece use the bathroom, she's been holding it for over an hour and really has to go. Attendant says - I can give her a bowl and a plastic bottle and a towel, but she will not be getting up from that seat until the plane settles down. I've only flown about 8 times, but it was the worst turbulence I've ever felt. At one point my stomach lurched and I was sure I was going to blow :lol:


about 15 minutes later the seatbelt sign goes off and my niece vaults over the three seats and hits the bathroom within 2 seconds :lol:

[redred]

me and the other half had bad turbulence once (she was expecting ) plane was up and down doing it's thing she looks at me crying and says i don;t want to die , i look and reply what the fuck you want me to do about it , dude next to me forms a ball where he's laughing so much :lol:

[Hal-9000]

:lol:

My Dad used to fly in small light planes for his job in the oil industry (before I was born) Later in life he developed a really bad phobia of flying and would not take a commercial flight anywhere.

He went to meetings, hypnotists...nothing worked. Claustrophobia coupled with a fear of planes.


My sister lives about 800 kms west, it's a nice 1.5 hour flight. I'm trying to convince my Dad to go with me on a night flight, where he can't see out the windows. I almost get him to agree and then I say:

Ya Dad look at it this way. It's a 50/50 thing. Either the plane lands at the airport or crashes into the ground killing everyone. There is no halfway when it comes to flying.


My sister hit me :lol:

[redred]

There is no halfway when it comes to flying

:tup: i really don't care , best bits are take off and landing , i'm off thursday and looking forward to it

[Hal-9000]

:tup: i really don't care , best bits are take off and landing , i'm off thursday and looking forward to it

my favorite parts too :tup:


wish I had a job so I could go somewhere.....I want to go to Palau....23 hours in the air :lol:

[Oofty Goofty]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYA_ivyj3kE

Southwest is just different.