Apple Store Employees Aren’t Allowed to Say ‘Unfortunately’

[Jezter]

Adrian Chen —Ah, Apple stores, gleaming temples of consumption. So bright and airy, filled with friendly, clean-cut geeks. A little too friendly, if you ask us. What's the secret? A ban on negativity.

The Wall Street Journal spoke to a bunch of former employees and Apple Geniuses for an opus on Apple Stores. And they painted a picture that is about as cult-y as you would expect:

Former Geniuses say they were told to say "as it turns out" rather than "unfortunately" to sound less negative when they are unable to solve a tech problem.

Bet that really soothes the guy whose iPhone has exploded next to his ear. "As it turns out, you have a shard of glass embedded in your ear drum."

Apple store employees also have the acronym APPLE seared into their brains during their week-long training: "Approach customers with a personalized warm welcome," "Probe politely to understand all the customer's needs," "Present a solution for the customer to take home today," "Listen for and resolve any issues or concerns," and "End with a fond farewell and an invitation to return."

However, it seems that the Wall Street Journal glosses over the more colorful aspects of Apple Stores offered up by other employees. For example, they are apparently swarming with drug dealers. And when Apple's highly-tuned salesbots malfunction, they really go haywire: Take that alleged racist freakout at the Manhattan Apple store.

The only dirt the Journal could dig out of former employees was that they are forced to be artificially nice to customers? If Apple stores really were pure retail heaven, some Apple store employees wouldn't be trying to form a union, would they?

----

JezEDIT: Oh Apple... The sheeple training is rooted deep in these suckers.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

For example, they are apparently swarming with drug dealers. And when Apple's highly-tuned salesbots malfunction, they really go haywire: Take that alleged racist freakout at the Manhattan Apple store.



Wait....what!!!?

They kind of just glossed over this, I would like to hear more.

[Jezter]

Wait....what!!!?

They kind of just glossed over this, I would like to hear more.

http://gawker.com/5805581/manhattan-apple-store-accused-of-discriminating-against-black-men

[PorkChopSandwiches]

I mean about all the drug dealing

[Jezter]

I mean about all the drug dealing

As it turns out, I have no more on that.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

:lol:

[Muddy]

What a ludicrous story... There are certain things you don't say to customers because it's bad business... "Unfortunately" is one of them... "It's our policy" is another..

Learn boy, learn. :razz:

[Jezter]

What a ludicrous story... There are certain things you don't say to customers because it's bad business... "Unfortunately" is one of them... "It's our policy" is another..

Learn boy, learn. :razz:
*learns*

[Muddy]

:lol: Im just kidding with you calling you boy... But really there are certain words they tell us in sales here to try and avoid..

[MrsM]

:lol: Im just kidding with you calling you boy... But really there are certain words they tell us in sales here to try and avoid..

Like "fuck you!" I heard somewhere that some people take it the wrong way. As it turns out it could also get you fired or punched :)

[Teh One Who Knocks]

What a ludicrous story... There are certain things you don't say to customers because it's bad business... "Unfortunately" is one of them... "It's our policy" is another..

Learn boy, learn. :razz:

Who teaches that? I use 'unfortunately' all the time. :hand:

It's all about honesty ;)

[Teh One Who Knocks]

Like "fuck you!" I heard somewhere that some people take it the wrong way. As it turns out it could also get you fired or punched :)

So many times a day I have to force myself not to use that phrase :|

[FBD]

Who teaches that? I use 'unfortunately' all the time. :hand:

It's all about honesty ;)

:thumbsup:

[Hal-9000]

I was doing some monitor research and happened upon an Apple forum.I had no idea the techs were called geniuses so each post that used the word, the guys would usually throw it in quotes.

eg I took my notebook in and the 'genius' there couldn't fix it.

The thread was about a common problem on one of their laptops where the screen became corrupted and each quoted response was hilarious about not being able to fix it.All sorts of positivity but no resolution for the actual problem.Those forum guys were mad! :lol:

[Teh One Who Knocks]

I was doing some monitor research and happened upon an Apple forum.I had no idea the techs were called geniuses so each post that used the word, the guys would usually throw it in quotes.

eg I took my notebook in and the 'genius' there couldn't fix it.

The thread was about a common problem on one of their laptops where the screen became corrupted and each quoted response was hilarious about not being able to fix it.All sorts of positivity but no resolution for the actual problem.Those forum guys were mad! :lol:

Apple....the only place where if you have the absolute most basic of troubleshooting skills and be considered a 'genius'

:lol:

[Muddy]

Who teaches that? I use 'unfortunately' all the time. :hand:

It's all about honesty ;)

Are you in sales?

[Teh One Who Knocks]

Are you in sales?

A lot of times, yes, along with all the rest of the things I do

[Muddy]

I've been to a few of these sales technique seminars and they each have their own spin... Thats all this is.. The last one I went to had a big spiel about how to only ask open ended questions because certain things you say can give the typical 'dont bug me customers' an easy way out... blabh blah blah..

[Hal-9000]

I've been to a few of these sales technique seminars and they each have their own spin... Thats all this is.. The last one I went to had a big spiel about how to only ask open ended questions because certain things you say can give the typical 'dont bug me customers' an easy way out... blabh blah blah..

fook me, I'm nowhere near sales but have been sent on my fair share of courses....the 'management' ones in particular remind me of exactly what you said up there :lol:

translation: manipulate the conversation so there's never any meaningful 2 way dialogue and resolution :lol:

[Teh One Who Knocks]

I've been to a few of these sales technique seminars and they each have their own spin... Thats all this is.. The last one I went to had a big spiel about how to only ask open ended questions because certain things you say can give the typical 'dont bug me customers' an easy way out... blabh blah blah..

I don't think I would do well in a seminar like that :lol:

[Muddy]

fook me, I'm nowhere near sales but have been sent on my fair share of courses....the 'management' ones in particular remind me of exactly what you said up there :lol:

translation: manipulate the conversation so there's never any meaningful 2 way dialogue and resolution :lol:

Yeah but you really only pull out those cards when you having a hard time getting in somewhere... You dont use that shit on your core group of partners..

[Hal-9000]

Yeah but you really only pull out those cards when you having a hard time getting in somewhere... You dont use that shit on your core group of partners..

every time I interact with one of my internal sales people...I LAY IT ON THEM :lol:

kinda like asking a beggar for a dollar before he gets the chance..

[Muddy]

The warehouse guys love me, cause Im the only normal one around there... :mrgreen:

[Hal-9000]

Muddy? One of my favorite things to do is this...

I'll get an email from sales outlining a problem that went to the customer or will go.The salesperson will include cost spreadsheets and veiled threats about how much the company could lose.Essentially (but not all of the time) it will be the salesperson's fault, either not quoting, estimating or listening to the customer correctly :lol:

and what they're really asking for is advice on how to prevent/or fix the error....I know that.They like to copy various higher ups and use other tactics I don't play into to get a response.

So my first response back is - What do you think we should do to correct this?


:lol:

[Muddy]

I just go out back and do this..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB2bh3JCEWQ

[Hal-9000]

The warehouse guys love me, cause Im the only normal one around there... :mrgreen:

We've chatted about this before and I do have a good relationship with our sales people...as much as they hate me outlining where they went wrong...
I'm known for cutting through the BS and finding efficient and cost effective ways to address the screw up.

sounds weird but forensics is my specialty...something happened 14 months ago and we need an answer...so without actually doing any of the initial work, I can usually get some sort of logical answer for them, whether it was us at the warehouse, production or the client who was sniffing glue.

[Muddy]

We've chatted about this before and I do have a good relationship with our sales people...as much as they hate me outlining where they went wrong...
I'm known for cutting through the BS and finding efficient and cost effective ways to address the screw up.

sounds weird but forensics is my specialty...something happened 14 months ago and we need an answer...so without actually doing any of the initial work, I can usually get some sort of logical answer for them, whether it was us at the warehouse, production or the client who was sniffing glue.

So Hal.. Waaaaassssssssuuuuup!!!!!!! :razz:

[Hal-9000]

So Hal.. Waaaaassssssssuuuuup!!!!!!! :razz:

fook me...you sound like this one sales guy...


:lol:

[deebakes]

as it turns out :lurk: