Teh One Who Knocks
05-16-2016, 11:29 AM
Ellen Scott for Metro.co.uk
http://i.imgur.com/InEFFb5.jpg
Oh, hey. With all the technological innovation going on, it’s totally understandable that men around the world have been asking one all-important question: why hasn’t anyone created a product yet that allows us to masturbate in public without anyone noticing?
Finally, such a product is here. Presenting the JerkShirt. It’s a shirt with a prosthetic, fully bendable arm attached inside the sleeve, so you can reach your real arm inside your pants and give yourself some love without anyone realising.
Because how can you be masturbating when both of your hands are visible? Genius.
http://i.imgur.com/EGYJjqN.gif
And aside from the obvious dark, entirely inappropriate potential uses of this shirt (masturbating on the train! Masturbating at work! Masturbating in front of your friends without their consent! Hooray!), the JerkShirt’s creators really have thought of everything.
They’ve created their prosthetic in a range of skin tones, and there’s even a splash guard to keep you comfy and stain-free post-jizz.
http://i.imgur.com/BqpPqtH.jpg
The shirt is even moderately stylish, and suitable for work, the weekend, and your disgusting public transport wank sessions.
Of course, people may still notice the rapid movement in your penis area despite both your ‘hands’ being occupied. This may lead to a very uncomfortable situation in which people attack your crotch as there is quite clearly a very small snake in there.
http://i.imgur.com/IpFvfld.jpg
Or they could notice that you have a look of immeasurable creepy joy on your face, see that your hand is quite clearly fake, and then violently knee you in the balls, as a public masturbator rightly deserves.
Either way, what we’re saying is that if you wear this shirt, you’re risking injury to your dick. Be warned.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkIbBAzcFQ4
Now, just in case you’re hoping this is all a horrible nightmare or a hilarious commentary on the awfulness of public masturbators, the president of Cam Soda (the brand behind the shirt) has stated that the shirt is indeed real and will soon be available for purchase for the reasonable price of $49.99 (£35).
If you fancy picking up a batch for everyone on your Christmas list, you can sign up to the waiting list now.
Or, you know, don’t.
http://i.imgur.com/InEFFb5.jpg
Oh, hey. With all the technological innovation going on, it’s totally understandable that men around the world have been asking one all-important question: why hasn’t anyone created a product yet that allows us to masturbate in public without anyone noticing?
Finally, such a product is here. Presenting the JerkShirt. It’s a shirt with a prosthetic, fully bendable arm attached inside the sleeve, so you can reach your real arm inside your pants and give yourself some love without anyone realising.
Because how can you be masturbating when both of your hands are visible? Genius.
http://i.imgur.com/EGYJjqN.gif
And aside from the obvious dark, entirely inappropriate potential uses of this shirt (masturbating on the train! Masturbating at work! Masturbating in front of your friends without their consent! Hooray!), the JerkShirt’s creators really have thought of everything.
They’ve created their prosthetic in a range of skin tones, and there’s even a splash guard to keep you comfy and stain-free post-jizz.
http://i.imgur.com/BqpPqtH.jpg
The shirt is even moderately stylish, and suitable for work, the weekend, and your disgusting public transport wank sessions.
Of course, people may still notice the rapid movement in your penis area despite both your ‘hands’ being occupied. This may lead to a very uncomfortable situation in which people attack your crotch as there is quite clearly a very small snake in there.
http://i.imgur.com/IpFvfld.jpg
Or they could notice that you have a look of immeasurable creepy joy on your face, see that your hand is quite clearly fake, and then violently knee you in the balls, as a public masturbator rightly deserves.
Either way, what we’re saying is that if you wear this shirt, you’re risking injury to your dick. Be warned.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkIbBAzcFQ4
Now, just in case you’re hoping this is all a horrible nightmare or a hilarious commentary on the awfulness of public masturbators, the president of Cam Soda (the brand behind the shirt) has stated that the shirt is indeed real and will soon be available for purchase for the reasonable price of $49.99 (£35).
If you fancy picking up a batch for everyone on your Christmas list, you can sign up to the waiting list now.
Or, you know, don’t.