Chuck Norris

[SmoothBob]

The Matrix Trilogy would have ended on the first movie if Keanu Reeves said, “I know Chuck Norris.”

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

PlayStation network was never hacked. Chuck Norris just decided to play one day.

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

The Black Eyed Peas were originally named "The Peas"....until they met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Feckin love Chuck Norris :beatdown:

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris rejoins Delta Force: 10:31am. Osama Bin Laden dead : 10:32am.

[Goofy]

If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.

[Goofy]

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

[Goofy]

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

[Goofy]

In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself.

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

[MrsM]

If at first you don't succeed, you were probably trying to defeat Chuck Norris

[MrsM]

In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself.

Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.

[SmoothBob]

I like that under Chucks beard is another fist! :)

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.

He actually died ten years ago but no-one has had the guts to tell him :)

[MrsM]

The dinosaurs laughed at Chuck Norris

[MrsM]

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face

[Noilly Pratt]

Sorry - I had to revive this old thread. A new factoid has come to light...

http://i44.tinypic.com/acc3du.jpg

[DemonGeminiX]

That's funny, but it's wrong. Chuck was born on March 10, 1940.

[DemonGeminiX]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKaIlT_lK1s

[PorkChopSandwiches]

http://www.stevenhumour.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/chuck-norris-checkmate.jpg

[Noilly Pratt]

That's funny, but it's wrong. Chuck was born on March 10, 1940.

:huh:

:oops:

sowwy

[redred]

http://i5.pixs.ru/storage/6/3/2/wwwralligc_7817156_3551632.gif

[thefamine]

Chuck Norris traded his soul to the devil in exchange for his Karate skills,
he then round house kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back
and the devil who appreciates irony invited him to his weekly poker game




chuck norris has counted to infinity....twice

chuck norris round house kicked back through time and knocked emila ernheart outta the air

[Hal-9000]

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

:lol:

[Hal-9000]

That's funny, but it's wrong. Chuck was born on March 10, 1940.


I was born on March 10th too :shock:

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Chuck Norris traded his soul to the devil in exchange for his Karate skills,
he then round house kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back
and the devil who appreciates irony invited him to his weekly poker game




chuck norris has counted to infinity....twice

chuck norris round house kicked back through time and knocked emila ernheart outta the air

welcome to the big show

[Dr Death]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light...not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!

[Fodster]

http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/8779/94570044.jpg

[Muddy]

http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/8779/94570044.jpg

What's wrong with me? I find this appealing..

[DemonGeminiX]

It's the idea that there's just a very thin piece of fabric separating you and her cooch... if you were in front of her in real life, that is. She's not bad looking, either.

[Muddy]

It's the idea that there's just a very thin piece of fabric separating you and her cooch... if you were in front of her in real life, that is. She's not bad looking, either.

You know whats bad though... Your hips would have to be 5 inches wide to be able to get in there... What a tease!!!

[PorkChopSandwiches]

http://i.imgur.com/JQCPW.jpg

[Hal-9000]

Chuck Norris beat Kim Jong Il in a round of golf, true story

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Was it yesterday?

[redred]

http://i1.ujarani.pl/3/4/4hxhWT.gif

[redred]

http://www.onestophumour.com/images/1328008842-42442.jpg

[PorkChopSandwiches]

:lol:

[SmoothBob]

:lmao:

[DemonGeminiX]

Ha ha, Bruce made Chuck piss his pants.

:lol:

[DemonGeminiX]

Found a few more



Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris is always on top when having sex, because he never fucks up.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

It never rains where Chuck Norris is, because rain knows that if they fall on him, they will be roundhouse kicked.

Chuck Norris' pick up line is, "I'm Chuck Norris. Fuck me."

They once made Chuck Norris toilet paper. But it didn't take shit.

Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I See Dead People" when the waiters at Denny's forgot it was his birthday.

When Chuck Norris puts you in headlock, you need a key to get out.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

[Leefro]

http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/s720x720/538167_4146573223941_1134895269_n.jpg

[Yt Trash]

http://i.imgur.com/5DZje.jpg

[Noilly Pratt]

http://i47.tinypic.com/kak00l.jpg

[Muddy]

I was born on March 10th too :shock:

So was my dad..

[redred]

http://i.imgur.com/BMzb4.jpg

[Leefro]

http://i50.tinypic.com/11reij7.jpg

[PorkChopSandwiches]

http://i50.tinypic.com/11reij7.jpg

Bam!

[Sadaka]

I hate this idea that Chuck Norris has super-human powers.
He is an actor, not a God people!
If he really is special, I dare him to magically appear
right now, sneak up behind me, and slam my face into my own keyboargfhklgjliopueriu3u840ue 98u 83u689u89209082u0bfvye36ktrserwe54yhsw34sth45asddd dd
23
v
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sasdbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bb

[Sadaka]

Chuck Norris invented C++ after roundhouse kicking C - TWICE
Chuck Norris is the Domain controller
Chuck Norris has the IP 0.0.0.0
Chuck Norris is mailer-daemon
Chuck Norris has Windows XP on his Apple MAC
Chuck Norris never gets the page cannot be displayed error
Chuck Norris CPU doesn't have a fan
Chuck Norris can write DVDs on floppy drive
Chuck Norris invented the internet
Chuck Norris can paste pics in Notepad
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his 14400k modem & that's how we got ADSL
Chuck Norris's Dot matrix printer prints photos - in colour
Chuck Norris' PC speaker gives him 7.1 DTS surround sound
Chuck Norris monitor has no glare... no-one glares at Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can edit PDF files
Chuck Norris rips CDs with his hands
Chuck Norris has a yahoo account with hotmail
Chuck Norris has an Intel CPU on an AMD motherboard

[Sadaka]

• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
• Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
• The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.
• Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

[Hugh_Janus]

chuck norris was a poster on as

[Sadaka]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_CJuysqN6l8

[redred]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coqJk0zZvPA

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

[Goofy]

Chuck Norris can complete Super Mario Bros by going to the left

[fricnjay]

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?"

He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

[fricnjay]

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

[fricnjay]

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

[HyperV12]

Chuck Norris has memories ..... of the future

[Pony]

http://i.imgur.com/cFWEMRc.jpg

[Fodster]

http://content.randomenthusiasm.com/9KysSXOdM.jpeg

[Fodster]

http://content.randomenthusiasm.com/LVrUzHPoN.jpeg

[Fodster]

http://content.randomenthusiasm.com/mWGKZoyfQ.jpeg

[Pony]

http://i.imgur.com/0ApKHWU.jpg

[Pony]

http://i.imgur.com/WjBmXbU.jpg

[Hugh_Janus]

huehuehue

[FBD]

there have been rumors of a punch so tricky, it telegraphed Chuck Norris before it hit

[PorkChopSandwiches]

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/19105572_1590428121015577_4422127942597731178_n.jp g?oh=3bf3c7b59804545bcae92b0840ab0196&oe=59EA457D

[redred]

:lol: