View Full Version : Chuck Norris
SmoothBob
06-20-2011, 12:46 PM
The Matrix Trilogy would have ended on the first movie if Keanu Reeves said, “I know Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
PlayStation network was never hacked. Chuck Norris just decided to play one day.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
The Black Eyed Peas were originally named "The Peas"....until they met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Feckin love Chuck Norris :beatdown:
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:08 PM
Chuck Norris rejoins Delta Force: 10:31am. Osama Bin Laden dead : 10:32am.
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:09 PM
If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:10 PM
Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:11 PM
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:12 PM
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:13 PM
In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself.
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:17 PM
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
If at first you don't succeed, you were probably trying to defeat Chuck Norris
In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself.
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
SmoothBob
06-20-2011, 05:42 PM
I like that under Chucks beard is another fist! :)
Goofy
06-20-2011, 05:44 PM
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
He actually died ten years ago but no-one has had the guts to tell him :)
The dinosaurs laughed at Chuck Norris
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face
Noilly Pratt
12-09-2011, 04:30 PM
Sorry - I had to revive this old thread. A new factoid has come to light...
http://i44.tinypic.com/acc3du.jpg
DemonGeminiX
12-09-2011, 04:42 PM
That's funny, but it's wrong. Chuck was born on March 10, 1940.
DemonGeminiX
12-09-2011, 04:44 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKaIlT_lK1s
PorkChopSandwiches
12-09-2011, 04:50 PM
http://www.stevenhumour.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/chuck-norris-checkmate.jpg
Noilly Pratt
12-09-2011, 04:59 PM
That's funny, but it's wrong. Chuck was born on March 10, 1940.
:huh:
:oops:
sowwy
redred
12-14-2011, 12:58 PM
http://i5.pixs.ru/storage/6/3/2/wwwralligc_7817156_3551632.gif
thefamine
12-14-2011, 05:21 PM
Chuck Norris traded his soul to the devil in exchange for his Karate skills,
he then round house kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back
and the devil who appreciates irony invited him to his weekly poker game
chuck norris has counted to infinity....twice
chuck norris round house kicked back through time and knocked emila ernheart outta the air
Hal-9000
12-14-2011, 06:24 PM
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
:lol:
Hal-9000
12-14-2011, 06:24 PM
That's funny, but it's wrong. Chuck was born on March 10, 1940.
I was born on March 10th too :shock:
PorkChopSandwiches
12-14-2011, 06:31 PM
Chuck Norris traded his soul to the devil in exchange for his Karate skills,
he then round house kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back
and the devil who appreciates irony invited him to his weekly poker game
chuck norris has counted to infinity....twice
chuck norris round house kicked back through time and knocked emila ernheart outta the air
welcome to the big show
Dr Death
12-14-2011, 06:36 PM
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light...not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!
Fodster
01-17-2012, 08:34 AM
http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/8779/94570044.jpg
Muddy
01-17-2012, 11:27 AM
http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/8779/94570044.jpg
What's wrong with me? I find this appealing..
DemonGeminiX
01-17-2012, 01:37 PM
It's the idea that there's just a very thin piece of fabric separating you and her cooch... if you were in front of her in real life, that is. She's not bad looking, either.
Muddy
01-17-2012, 01:41 PM
It's the idea that there's just a very thin piece of fabric separating you and her cooch... if you were in front of her in real life, that is. She's not bad looking, either.
You know whats bad though... Your hips would have to be 5 inches wide to be able to get in there... What a tease!!!
PorkChopSandwiches
02-23-2012, 08:02 PM
http://i.imgur.com/JQCPW.jpg
Hal-9000
02-23-2012, 08:52 PM
Chuck Norris beat Kim Jong Il in a round of golf, true story
PorkChopSandwiches
02-23-2012, 08:58 PM
Was it yesterday?
redred
02-28-2012, 05:05 PM
http://i1.ujarani.pl/3/4/4hxhWT.gif
redred
02-28-2012, 05:09 PM
http://www.onestophumour.com/images/1328008842-42442.jpg
PorkChopSandwiches
02-28-2012, 05:24 PM
:lol:
SmoothBob
02-29-2012, 03:36 PM
:lmao:
DemonGeminiX
03-01-2012, 06:12 AM
Ha ha, Bruce made Chuck piss his pants.
:lol:
DemonGeminiX
03-18-2012, 09:57 PM
Found a few more
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris is always on top when having sex, because he never fucks up.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
It never rains where Chuck Norris is, because rain knows that if they fall on him, they will be roundhouse kicked.
Chuck Norris' pick up line is, "I'm Chuck Norris. Fuck me."
They once made Chuck Norris toilet paper. But it didn't take shit.
Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I See Dead People" when the waiters at Denny's forgot it was his birthday.
When Chuck Norris puts you in headlock, you need a key to get out.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Leefro
06-09-2012, 05:48 PM
http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/s720x720/538167_4146573223941_1134895269_n.jpg
Yt Trash
06-10-2012, 01:52 PM
http://i.imgur.com/5DZje.jpg
Noilly Pratt
06-10-2012, 09:50 PM
http://i47.tinypic.com/kak00l.jpg
Muddy
06-10-2012, 11:32 PM
I was born on March 10th too :shock:
So was my dad..
redred
07-08-2012, 12:34 PM
http://i.imgur.com/BMzb4.jpg
Leefro
10-12-2012, 02:06 AM
http://i50.tinypic.com/11reij7.jpg
PorkChopSandwiches
10-12-2012, 02:46 AM
http://i50.tinypic.com/11reij7.jpg
Bam!
Sadaka
12-22-2012, 08:53 AM
I hate this idea that Chuck Norris has super-human powers.
He is an actor, not a God people!
If he really is special, I dare him to magically appear
right now, sneak up behind me, and slam my face into my own keyboargfhklgjliopueriu3u840ue 98u 83u689u89209082u0bfvye36ktrserwe54yhsw34sth45asddd dd
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Sadaka
12-22-2012, 09:19 AM
Chuck Norris invented C++ after roundhouse kicking C - TWICE
Chuck Norris is the Domain controller
Chuck Norris has the IP 0.0.0.0
Chuck Norris is mailer-daemon
Chuck Norris has Windows XP on his Apple MAC
Chuck Norris never gets the page cannot be displayed error
Chuck Norris CPU doesn't have a fan
Chuck Norris can write DVDs on floppy drive
Chuck Norris invented the internet
Chuck Norris can paste pics in Notepad
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his 14400k modem & that's how we got ADSL
Chuck Norris's Dot matrix printer prints photos - in colour
Chuck Norris' PC speaker gives him 7.1 DTS surround sound
Chuck Norris monitor has no glare... no-one glares at Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can edit PDF files
Chuck Norris rips CDs with his hands
Chuck Norris has a yahoo account with hotmail
Chuck Norris has an Intel CPU on an AMD motherboard
Sadaka
12-23-2012, 08:05 AM
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
• Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
• The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.
• Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
Hugh_Janus
12-23-2012, 09:47 AM
chuck norris was a poster on as
Sadaka
12-29-2012, 11:23 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_CJuysqN6l8
redred
08-15-2015, 11:13 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coqJk0zZvPA
Goofy
11-27-2015, 11:08 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone
Goofy
11-27-2015, 11:09 PM
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Goofy
11-27-2015, 11:09 PM
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did
Goofy
11-27-2015, 11:09 PM
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
Goofy
11-27-2015, 11:10 PM
Chuck Norris can complete Super Mario Bros by going to the left
fricnjay
12-03-2015, 10:16 PM
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?"
He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
fricnjay
12-03-2015, 10:18 PM
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
fricnjay
12-03-2015, 10:18 PM
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
HyperV12
12-04-2015, 09:23 AM
Chuck Norris has memories ..... of the future
http://i.imgur.com/cFWEMRc.jpg
Fodster
12-21-2015, 06:18 AM
http://content.randomenthusiasm.com/9KysSXOdM.jpeg
Fodster
12-21-2015, 06:19 AM
http://content.randomenthusiasm.com/LVrUzHPoN.jpeg
Fodster
12-21-2015, 06:19 AM
http://content.randomenthusiasm.com/mWGKZoyfQ.jpeg
http://i.imgur.com/0ApKHWU.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/WjBmXbU.jpg
Hugh_Janus
04-27-2016, 11:53 PM
huehuehue
there have been rumors of a punch so tricky, it telegraphed Chuck Norris before it hit
PorkChopSandwiches
06-15-2017, 03:36 PM
https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/19105572_1590428121015577_4422127942597731178_n.jp g?oh=3bf3c7b59804545bcae92b0840ab0196&oe=59EA457D
redred
06-15-2017, 05:42 PM
:lol:
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