Teh One Who Knocks
06-12-2017, 10:07 AM
Ellen Scott for Metro.co.uk
http://i.imgur.com/6hLUdmX.jpg
Admittedly, we quite enjoyed the beginning of the unicorn trend.
A mug with a horn on it was rather cheering. The Lisa Frank resurgeance made us feel all warm, fuzzy, and nostalgic inside. The addition of marshmallows and sparkle on a milkshake was a welcome delight.
But the unicorn trend has reached its peak. Then it passed it. It has not stopped, and likely will not stop, even as we beg for it to go away.
It’s taken lattes, teapots, and even the simple joy of a nice dildo.
And now it has come for our pizza, and we will not bloody stand for it.
Industry Kitchen is now serving up a unicorn inspired pizza. They call it the Pop Candy Land Pizza. It is a monstrosity.
http://i.imgur.com/o5VX9tD.jpg
The unicorn pizza is not what a pizza should be.
It is not a comforting embrace of hot cheese and tomato sauce. It does not feature mozzarella ready to burn the roof of your mouth and hang down past your chin.
Instead, it is a pizza made with rainbow dough, covered in vanilla icing, sprinkles, popping candy, and pink and blue cotton handy.
http://i.imgur.com/doTOF0a.jpg
This is a crime against pizza.
This is sugar and colour, masquerading as an acceptable dessert, masquerading as pizza.
This isn’t even the first time Industry Kitchen has blasphemed pizza, having previously made one covered in gold flakes. *Sigh*.
New York pizza is one of life’s greatest treasures. It should be cheap, dirty, and free of candy floss. Leave it alone.
http://i.imgur.com/6hLUdmX.jpg
Admittedly, we quite enjoyed the beginning of the unicorn trend.
A mug with a horn on it was rather cheering. The Lisa Frank resurgeance made us feel all warm, fuzzy, and nostalgic inside. The addition of marshmallows and sparkle on a milkshake was a welcome delight.
But the unicorn trend has reached its peak. Then it passed it. It has not stopped, and likely will not stop, even as we beg for it to go away.
It’s taken lattes, teapots, and even the simple joy of a nice dildo.
And now it has come for our pizza, and we will not bloody stand for it.
Industry Kitchen is now serving up a unicorn inspired pizza. They call it the Pop Candy Land Pizza. It is a monstrosity.
http://i.imgur.com/o5VX9tD.jpg
The unicorn pizza is not what a pizza should be.
It is not a comforting embrace of hot cheese and tomato sauce. It does not feature mozzarella ready to burn the roof of your mouth and hang down past your chin.
Instead, it is a pizza made with rainbow dough, covered in vanilla icing, sprinkles, popping candy, and pink and blue cotton handy.
http://i.imgur.com/doTOF0a.jpg
This is a crime against pizza.
This is sugar and colour, masquerading as an acceptable dessert, masquerading as pizza.
This isn’t even the first time Industry Kitchen has blasphemed pizza, having previously made one covered in gold flakes. *Sigh*.
New York pizza is one of life’s greatest treasures. It should be cheap, dirty, and free of candy floss. Leave it alone.