Reasons Why People Have Stopped Halfway Through Sex
"My lampshade caught on fire and set off the smoke alarm. We had a candle burning too close to it."
"She moaned 'yes dad' and her dad was a 300 lb drunk"
"right as I was about to come I screamed "ooooh you're gonna make me fart" and she was having none of it"
"My cat taking the most foul-smelling dump in the litter box across the room, then leaving without burying it. F*ck you, Bubbles."
"Changed position to doggy style > Brownish toilet paper still stuck between butt cheeks."
"The Lord of the rings theme that I forgot was in the playlist."
"The doorbell rang and she said 'oh'. 'Oh?' I asked. 'That's probably my boyfriend.'"
"Her crying. Like. Literally crying. I jumped off her like a cat when it sees a cucumber."
"Her 2 year old son suddenly saying "mommy" from right next to the bed."
"For a joke she moaned the name of my ex. I immediately paid back by moaning the name of her brother. We both dissolved into giggles and the sexy mood was over for a while..."
"My girlfriends dog licked my asshole. Got all the way in. Intsa los-a-boner"
"She kept complaining about her vagina not smelling right, but she thought it was the new fabric softener messing with her girl parts. We start humping, and after a few pumps, I felt like I was hitting something inside of her, and I was, it was a 1 week old tampon. I fished it out for her and the smell was incredible, I almost vomited, it took days to wash it out of my hands. The color of the discharge was brown/green and poured out like water, * I'll never forget that sight or smell."
"Cockroach scampering across the booty"
Oh God. 'Pouring out like water' has genuinely scarred me for life. If you need me, I'll be rocking back and forth in the nearest corner.
