I've just put a deposit down on a Porsche and mentioned it on Twitter.
I can't understand why the Americans are so upset.
All I said was, "I can't wait for the new 911."
However, 4000 Pakistanis are now following me.
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I've just put a deposit down on a Porsche and mentioned it on Twitter.
I can't understand why the Americans are so upset.
All I said was, "I can't wait for the new 911."
However, 4000 Pakistanis are now following me.
When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They will just sit in the dark and demand you accept the light is still on.
A fat bird started chatting me up in the club last night and I mentioned I'd just had my birthday this week.
"Well, happy birthday, sexy," she purred, stroking down my chest. "If I come back to yours tonight, could you put a smile on my face?"
"Probably not," I told her. "There's no cake left."
What do you call a woman with big tits who doesn't make sandwiches?
A compromise.
Racism is bad, regardless of who it is directed at.
It doesn't matter if they're white or genetically inferior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goofy
:lol:
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of
the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a
big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so
strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and it stopped.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into
the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody
behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving
slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching.
Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before
the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the
window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched
as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.. Wet
and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about
the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying...
And wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark
and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other....
'Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were
pushing it!'
:)
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Goofy
I think I missed this thread for 3 years. :shock:
The invisibility cloak works :shock:Quote:
Originally Posted by RBP
A woman had just given birth to a baby boy..
The doctor was holding him and told the parent, "I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids."
The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?"
The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids."
The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed."
The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"
:rofl:Quote:
Originally Posted by PorkChopSandwiches
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
:lol: