Would have been funnier!
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I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. Couldn't park anywhere near that place.
What did Mason say to Dixon?
Why do women always move in groups of 3, 5, 7, 9, etc?
Because they just can't even.
A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says “what can I get you?”
Bear replies ” I’d like a gin… … … And tonic”
Bartender asks “Why the big pause?”
The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth “I don’t know......... my dad had ’em too.”
I don't get either of these :|
Younger American women these days will say, "I just can't even" or "I can't even" when faced with an unpalatable choice, among other things. So it's making fun of the phrase. They move in groups of odd numbers, because "they can't even".
The polar bear joke is a simple word play, pause = paws.
Thanks. I suppose I should have got the second one.
A three legged dog kicks open the saloon door and growls, "I'm lookin for the man that shot my paw."
The craziest thing happened at a bar tonight. A woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me!
...on an unrelated note, I suck at darts.
I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently, I couldn't concentrate.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
... I'll let you know.
What key has legs and can't open doors?
A Turkey.