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Thread: Column: Megan Rapinoe and U.S. women’s soccer take on the wretched, mole-people-descended English

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    USA Column: Megan Rapinoe and U.S. women’s soccer take on the wretched, mole-people-descended English



    The U.S. women’s soccer team’s captivating World Cup journey continues Tuesday as Megan Rapinoe, Carli Lloyd, Alex Morgan and the squad take on the team from England, a small and largely inconsequential island off the coast of Europe.

    Yes, despite all that long-standing blah-blah about America’s “special relationship” with the United Kingdom — which is England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and EuroDisney — the truth is that we Americans left England for a reason and have never looked back.

    It’s a dreary place with a dreadful history, one that that has been whitewashed by “historians,” “facts,” “elementary school teachers” and other opportunists. The myth of English decency and accomplishment is so entrenched that some will consider the facts herein to be nothing more than a childish newspaper columnist’s attempt to inflame tensions between rival nations prior to a crucial game, or “match,” as the English stupidly call it.

    Some will go so far as to accuse me of having previously dabbled in such low-brow journalistic shenanigans, but they are wrong, except for that time the Chicago Blackhawks were playing the Tampa Bay Lightning in the Stanley Cup Final and I wrote that Floridians “subsist on a diet of rattlesnake meat and crystal meth.” Or the time when the Chicago Cubs faced the St. Louis Cardinals in the playoffs and I gave St. Louis the nickname: “Horrible Garbage City.” Or, possibly, the time the Cubs took on the San Francisco Giants in the playoffs and I wrote, accurately, that San Francisco was “built atop a sprawling mound of fossilized dinosaur dung."

    Setting aside those momentary lapses of decorum, I assure you, as the Statue of Liberty is my witness, that everything I’m about to tell you about England is true and should serve as a rallying cry for our mighty women’s national team as they take on the wretched English.

    Britain was ruled by the Romans, a truly sensible people, up until about 400 AD, at which time they left in disgust, unable to get the native race of mole people who inhabited the islands to stay sober.

    England was then taken over by barbarians. According to an actual lecture series by Philip Daileader, a history professor at The College of William and Mary in Virginia: “They spoke Germanic languages; they were still pagans worshiping Norse gods such as Thor and Odin, and they were illiterate as well.”

    The dimwitted barbarians bred with the native mole people and created the precursor to the modern-day English person: a pale-skinned illiterate with a subconscious predilection for hammer-wielding deities and occasional cravings for grubs and earthworms.

    The English people, through an as-yet-unexplained evolutionary malfunction, managed to defy natural selection and prosper, right up until they year 1620. That’s when a small group of the nation’s most exceptional citizens — likely descendants of the few Romans who didn’t make it out — concluded England was so abominable they would sooner take their chances at sea than endure one more day of mole people driving on the wrong side of the road.

    Those pilgrims made it to America and founded a country so toweringly confident its people would one day elect as president an overglorified realtor with acute narcissism and authoritarian tendencies just to show off their democracy’s ability to survive.

    England, on the other hand, was left to wallow in sub-mediocrity, a nation subsisting on boiled meat and boring literature, accomplishing precious little of note beyond the fork-split muffin and, in 1863, the creation of a sport they mistakenly named “football.”

    The website of FIFA, which for some reason stands for International Federation of Association Football, says this: “For all the evidence of early ball sports played elsewhere in the world, the evolution of football as we know it today took place in Britain.”

    As an expert on ball sports — both early and late — I can confirm that information.

    Realizing the term “football” might later be used for a far superior game, the British began calling their game “soccer,” and they went on to follow the sport with great passion, largely because it gave them an excuse to engage in their two favorite pastimes: getting drunk and fighting. (Their third favorite pastime is digging for grubs and earthworms, but again, you won’t read about that in the so-called history books.)

    Soccer remained a marginalized sport favored by hooligans (an all-encompassing term defined by Merriam-Webster as “the people of England”) up until 1967, when two professional soccer leagues were launched in America. Thanks to U.S. innovation, the game became the most popular sport in the world and everyone forgot it came from England, a country most had begun referring to as “Europe’s Australia.”

    So there you have it, folks. Tuesday’s matchup between the U.S. and England is not just a soccer game. It’s an opportunity for Americans who aren’t in the pocket of Big History to expose the truth about the filthy English and their Isle of Barbarian Refuse.

    I hope this truth-telling column further inspires the U.S. women’s national team.

    Should they find themselves losing, I recommend whispering to the English team’s players that there are succulent earthworms just below the turf.

    Those mole-people-descended ingrates will drop mouths-first to the ground, unable to resist the temptation. And victory will be ours!

    https://www.chicagotribune.com/colum...xfu-story.html



    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    #DeSantis2024 Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    I stopped reading when I saw that fucking cunt's name in the headline and her picture used for the article.

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post
    I stopped reading when I saw that fucking cunt's name in the headline and her picture used for the article.
    I will have to read about her then! I don't know the story.
    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    Oh.
    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    #DeSantis2024 Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    Yup.

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    Look, I have no problem with someone who has different views on things, but there's a time and a place for everything. And doing and saying shit like this while you're representing your country on the international stage is not the time nor the place.

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    Referring back to the OP...now there's a huge controversy over Alex Morgan's ‘distasteful’ tea celebration after she scored against England. The English are all upset over it

    https://nypost.com/2019/07/03/alex-m...-at-world-cup/

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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post
    Referring back to the OP...now there's a huge controversy over Alex Morgan's ‘distasteful’ tea celebration after she scored against England. The English are all upset over it

    https://nypost.com/2019/07/03/alex-m...-at-world-cup/
    I was upset by it too, i demand Alex Morgan be sent to my house for a damn good spanking!











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    Quote Originally Posted by Goofy View Post
    I was upset by it too, i demand Alex Morgan be sent to my house for a damn good spanking!












    You're not English

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    Take Box B DemonGeminiX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post


    You're not English


    He has to cheer for somebody, since the Scottish team... well... sucks (sorry, Goof).


    Warning: The posts of this forum member may contain trigger language which may be considered offensive to some.

    Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.

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    Dilly dilly Goofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post


    You're not English
    Close enough...... send her over!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by DemonGeminiX View Post


    He has to cheer for somebody, since the Scottish team... well... sucks (sorry, Goof).
    We're a wee diddy nation of 5m, just qualifying for the main tournament is an achievement for us

    I haven't cheered for any team tbh since i honestly dont care...... i dont even know who the US are beating in the final

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    #DeSantis2024 Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goofy View Post
    Close enough...... send her over!!!
    No

    Quote Originally Posted by Goofy View Post
    We're a wee diddy nation of 5m, just qualifying for the main tournament is an achievement for us

    I haven't cheered for any team tbh since i honestly dont care...... i dont even know who the US are beating in the final
    The Dutch beat Sweden yesterday.

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    Dilly dilly Goofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post
    No



    The Dutch beat Sweden yesterday.
    I thought Germany or Brazil were the main challengers...... shows what i know My knowledge of ladies football is on a par with my knowledge of baseball (ie, ive heard of a few players ).

    The only Scottish players i know are Kim Little and Julie Fleeting......... and i think Julie retired a while back I only know her because she's the only player of either sex to score 100+ international goals for Scotland

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    Dilly dilly Goofy's Avatar
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    Just looked her up, her record is actually phenomenal, nearly a goal every game and 6th on the all-time list

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List...national_goals

    We should have given her a game in the mens team

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