What constitutes "cheating"?

[RBP]

I heard this discussion this morning on the radio and thought it might be an interesting discussion here.

What constitutes cheating on your relationship partner?

One reference point was a survey done by two religious-based dating websites:

Is kissing cheating? 100% of women said yes, 86% of men.
Is online/text flirting cheating? 82% of women said yes, 56% of men.

Then there's other issues...

Is watching porn cheating? Masturbation?
Going to a strip club? Lap dances?
Phone sex? Does it matter if it's with a person they know versus anonymous?
What about a very close intimate friendship where there's nothing sexual involved?

I am sure there are other examples... please cite some!

================================================== =========================

As for me, I have always been more concerned with emotional/intimate relationships than sex. I could get over my other half fucking someone in Vegas on a girls trip much more easily than if they have an ongoing love interest, sex or no sex - but for god's sake be honest about it. Porn and strip clubs... that's silliness, that's not cheating. This may sound weird, but ongoing flirting is more concerning to me than say, fucking a hooker.

What do you think?

[RBP]

If you're interested, I posted the graphic showing the full survey results... mostly about dating... just the two items on cheating.

http://tehbasement.com/showthread.ph...889#post411889

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Getting oral or having sex would be cheating to my wife
But none of these
Is watching porn cheating? Masturbation?
Going to a strip club? Lap dances?

[RBP]

Getting oral or having sex would be cheating to my wife
But none of these
Is watching porn cheating? Masturbation?
Going to a strip club? Lap dances?

Not kissing either?

[DemonGeminiX]

What constitutes cheating on your relationship partner?

I would say physical intimacy/sex/etc with someone other than your significant other. If you're spending time with someone else and you're actively and consciously trying to hide those activities from your significant other, then regardless if there's a physical side or not, it's cheating. But then again, there could be parameters involved that changes things. Do swingers cheat?

Is kissing cheating? Yes.

Is online/text flirting cheating? Depends on the parameters of your relationship, but more than likely yes.

Is watching porn cheating? No.

Masturbation? No.

Going to a strip club? No.

Lap dances? No.

Phone sex? I would say yes, but then again, it depends on the parameters of your relationship.

Does it matter if it's with a person they know versus anonymous? Not really.

What about a very close intimate friendship where there's nothing sexual involved? Define close intimate friendship explicitly. If you feel in your heart that you want to be with the other person and again you're consciously trying to hide it from your SO, then in all likelihood, it's cheating. Basically, if you have to ask because it feels like it's cheating, then it's cheating.

If you feel like your actions could hurt your significant other, then it's cheating.

I'm not much for country but the song is absolutely true, your cheating heart will tell on you.

Of course, if you're a cold callous fucker who feels nothing at all, then I suppose it would be very easy to lie and cheat inside of a relationship without giving a shit about the consequences. In that case, you've got bigger problems, since that's more indicative of sociopathic tendencies.

[Pony]

I heard this discussion this morning on the radio and thought it might be an interesting discussion here.

What constitutes cheating on your relationship partner?

One reference point was a survey done by two religious-based dating websites:

Is kissing cheating? 100% of women said yes, 86% of men.
Is online/text flirting cheating? 82% of women said yes, 56% of men.

Then there's other issues...

Is watching porn cheating? Masturbation?
Going to a strip club? Lap dances?
Phone sex? Does it matter if it's with a person they know versus anonymous?
What about a very close intimate friendship where there's nothing sexual involved?

I am sure there are other examples... please cite some!

================================================== =========================

As for me, I have always been more concerned with emotional/intimate relationships than sex. I could get over my other half fucking someone in Vegas on a girls trip much more easily than if they have an ongoing love interest, sex or no sex - but for god's sake be honest about it. Porn and strip clubs... that's silliness, that's not cheating. This may sound weird, but ongoing flirting is more concerning to me than say, fucking a hooker.

What do you think?

yes
no
no/no
no/no
yes/no
no

[RBP]

yes
no
no/no
no/no
yes/no
no

So a lap dance is not cheating but phone sex is... that's interesting.

[Pony]

So a lap dance is not cheating but phone sex is... that's interesting.

Definitely yes if it's with someone you know, with anonymous it's a bit fuzzy but it would still fall in the yes. Can't really explain why though.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Not kissing either?

She wouldnt like that

[DemonGeminiX]

It's really hard to say objectively for certain that X is "cheating, period" when so many couples look at their relationships in so many different ways. People define the boundaries of their relationships by their own set of values and those values could vary widely from one person or couple to the next. It's not like back in the day when society had a set of standards that was on display everywhere as far as thee eye could see, and it was what everybody expected and aspired to be. It's not Leave it to Beaver anymore. The world has moved on since then. A lot of lines are blurred when looking from one couple to the next. Like I said before, are swingers cheating? Similarly, is it "cheating" if the couple in question has an "open relationship" (which I don't agree with, btw)? Polygamists don't think they're cheating, but do you think polygamy is cheating?

I think the answers you're going to get are purely subjective, regardless of how philosophical we try to make it. I know I'm trying to play the devil's advocate, but really, my yes/no answers are really what I feel. I would say for me, if I knew that my significant other would be hurt by whatever I may have done (take your pick from your specific options in your first post), then I would seriously consider curbing that behavior that she would be hurt by, regardless of my personal opinion or belief on the matter. Such is the sacrifice I would make for my significant other if I was in a declared committed relationship and was dedicated to making it work.

Our thoughts and opinions are a product of our experiences and that's what you're going to get. You'd have to do a serious long term study over millions of couples to get an idea of what the "generally accepted definition of cheating" really is. Where's Kinsey when you need him?

[minz]

Is kissing cheating? Yes.

Is online/text flirting cheating? Depends, a bit of harmless banter online then no, texting however I feel is a litle closer to home, its way more personal and private so I dont think I would feel comfortable with that.

Is watching porn cheating? No.

Masturbation? No.

Going to a strip club? No.

Lap dances? No.

Phone sex? Yes.

I've never been one to be jealous I'm fairly easy going however, what I do struggle with is the blatant dispays of affection for an ex like the long lingering hugs and the 'just going for dinner' that has pretty much cut it dead for me.

[RBP]

It's really hard to say objectively for certain that X is "cheating, period" when so many couples look at their relationships in so many different ways. People define the boundaries of their relationships by their own set of values and those values could vary widely from one person or couple to the next. It's not like back in the day when society had a set of standards that was on display everywhere as far as thee eye could see, and it was what everybody expected and aspired to be. It's not Leave it to Beaver anymore. The world has moved on since then. A lot of lines are blurred when looking from one couple to the next. Like I said before, are swingers cheating? Similarly, is it "cheating" if the couple in question has an "open relationship" (which I don't agree with, btw)? Polygamists don't think they're cheating, but do you think polygamy is cheating?

I think the answers you're going to get are purely subjective, regardless of how philosophical we try to make it. I know I'm trying to play the devil's advocate, but really, my yes/no answers are really what I feel. I would say for me, if I knew that my significant other would be hurt by whatever I may have done (take your pick from your specific options in your first post), then I would seriously consider curbing that behavior that she would be hurt by, regardless of my personal opinion or belief on the matter. Such is the sacrifice I would make for my significant other if I was in a declared committed relationship and was dedicated to making it work.

Our thoughts and opinions are a product of our experiences and that's what you're going to get. You'd have to do a serious long term study over millions of couples to get an idea of what the "generally accepted definition of cheating" really is. Where's Kinsey when you need him?

It does vary by person and relationship, you're right. The point here wasn't to generalize or come up with trends, but just to see what each of thinks when we think of cheating.

[DemonGeminiX]

Sorry, I'm just mulling over junk... mentally beating the dead horse.

[Hal-9000]

kissing - yes
phone sex - yes
intimate texts - yes

everything else - no


On the same subject I started seeing a coworker...at one point I knew that she liked me, so I leaned her back in her chair and kissed her. I told her it was a big line that was crossed and it changes relationships. She said a kiss was nothing and that I was old fashioned I politely informed her that I don't kiss the majority of my coworkers and she finally understood.

[RBP]

kissing - yes
phone sex - yes
intimate texts - yes

everything else - no


On the same subject I started seeing a coworker...at one point I knew that she liked me, so I leaned her back in her chair and kissed her. I told her it was a big line that was crossed and it changes relationships. She said a kiss was nothing and that I was old fashioned I politely informed her that I don't kiss the majority of my coworkers and she finally understood.

I would assume you think more than kissing is as well lol... and stop sexually harassing your coworkers!