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Thread: Bachelor Party 2.0

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    Basement Dweller Godfather's Avatar
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    Bachelor Party 2.0

    Ok boys, I need some manly advice from you gentlemen. I'll try and be brief but it's a bit of a convuluted situation so let me know if you need clarifying info (presuming you care at all )


    ------

    I'm trying to plan a stag right now for my friend G. This is the story.

    Back in 2019 we had a big stag planned down in the US with 15 guys. It was fairly expensive and a lot of work to plan. At the last minute before the stag (and only a few weeks before the wedding), our groom G calls off the wedding and dumps the chick.

    While I believe it was the right call, some of his closest friends felt a little shook we were given no warning anything was awry. It then turned out he had started a relationship with a co-worker, and 6 months later they were engaged. The new girl is great, we like her, but the first fiance was around for 5+ years and it was all awkward for a while especially with the wives/girlfriends in our circle.

    So going back to 2019, this breakup had just happened but this stag is fully booked, non-refundable. We went anyways and just called it a boys weekend. Our groom pitched in for his share (we'd have split his costs if the breakup hadn't happened). It was fun, but we still spent significant coin on a trip that was ultimately his choice of friends/brother/cousins. I and most of the others wouldn't have spent our PTO and cash on that trip if it wasn't intended to be G's stag.


    Now flash forward 2.5 years later. Our groom is getting married to the new girl this summer asking for another stag. The guys who planned the first one feel slighted, like we planned this big trip, then the wedding was called off without him really sharing what was going on in his personal life, and he's expecting another... To the point where his new girl is texting some of us saying 'what is happening with his stag plans'?


    Now me being a nice guy, I'm willing to plan something small and I've taken lead trying to book a short getaway... but I'm getting VERY little buy-in from other friends. I know some feel like they already spent their money on a stag, we have lots of weddings and other bachelor parties to budget for already, and some guys even feel their friendship isn't the same since the whole messy breakup with the first girl we all liked (I don't feel this, but a couple friends are still rattled their childhood friend flipped his life on his head, and the first they heard was in an emailing saying Wedding Cancelled).

    For Stag 2.0, I did put together a few options for low-cost, easy getaways. I floated them to a group chat, and only got replies from 4/10 guys.

    Does this mean I now get to be the bearer of bad news and tell my buddy that basically nobody wants to do a 'round two'? From his perspective the first trip didn't count, but from his friend's perspective it did and some are harboring resentment. That's not my business to share though, they should man up and say that to his face rather than me stirring the pot right?

    Dudes aren't supposed to be this complicated, but here I am stuck in the friggin' middle.... what the hell do i do?
    Last edited by Godfather; 04-29-2022 at 05:33 AM.

  2. #2
    Take Box B DemonGeminiX's Avatar
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    If you tell him then you need to make him understand the whole money situation surrounding the first one. Or at least, I would hammer that home as best as I could, if I were you. From what I'm reading, it just doesn't seem like he really appreciates what you all put out in his honor the first time around.

    Why did he dump the first girl? Was he cheating on her while he was planning the wedding? I can't remember if you told us before, but what exactly went down with that?


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    Hal killed Tormund! Pony's Avatar
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    You could just tell him that money is tight with a lot of the guys and that it might have to be just a small group hitting a couple bars and a strip club, nothing fancy.
    I don't know that I'd bring up all the issues surrounding the first one unless he really starts pushing you about details.

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    #DeSantis2024 Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    Honestly, I wouldn't have volunteered to put a trip together, especially knowing the rest of the group aren't up for it. It would be one thing if one of the friend group (not the groom) had floated the idea of a party, but him (the groom) asking for and expecting one is kind of a dick move IMHO, especially considering what happened the last time. Good friend or not.


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    mr. michelle jenneke deebakes's Avatar
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    keep it simple and cost effective (at most)

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    Mr Magoo RBP's Avatar
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    What does the groom want to do?
    I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.

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    Basement Dweller Godfather's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DemonGeminiX View Post
    If you tell him then you need to make him understand the whole money situation surrounding the first one. Or at least, I would hammer that home as best as I could, if I were you. From what I'm reading, it just doesn't seem like he really appreciates what you all put out in his honor the first time around.

    Why did he dump the first girl? Was he cheating on her while he was planning the wedding? I can't remember if you told us before, but what exactly went down with that?
    It's all vague and messy Think it was inappropriate whatever it was that started before the engagement with the first girl ended...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pony View Post
    You could just tell him that money is tight with a lot of the guys and that it might have to be just a small group hitting a couple bars and a strip club, nothing fancy.
    I don't know that I'd bring up all the issues surrounding the first one unless he really starts pushing you about details.
    Ya leaning that way, thanks bud

    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post
    Honestly, I wouldn't have volunteered to put a trip together, especially knowing the rest of the group aren't up for it. It would be one thing if one of the friend group (not the groom) had floated the idea of a party, but him (the groom) asking for and expecting one is kind of a dick move IMHO, especially considering what happened the last time. Good friend or not.

    Fair.. got asked point blank and caught flat footed. Shouldn't have done it, lesson learned

    Quote Originally Posted by RBP View Post
    What does the groom want to do?
    So here's what gets me... he's thrown out ideas of going to Tofino BC which is a 7-8 hours drive, meaning you basically need a 4 day weekend. AirBNB's there are expensive. It would be another $800-1000/pp weekend. I'm thinking more like... camping 2 hours from the city

    If I was him and really wanted a second round, I'd insist on just doing a day in town, go do a few fun activities then hit the bar. There's a massive gap between expectations and reality here which is super awkward.

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    21-Jazz hands salute Muddy's Avatar
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    You're a good friend to these boys, GF. I tip my hat to you.

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    21-Jazz hands salute Muddy's Avatar
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    New party. Not elaborate. You don't get two go's at it at everyone else's expense !

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    Shelter Dweller PorkChopSandwiches's Avatar
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    Its like when you get married a second time, I'm not buying you fucking dishes again






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    Basement Dweller Godfather's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorkChopSandwiches View Post
    Its like when you get married a second time, I'm not buying you fucking dishes again
    Thankfully I'm not at that phase of life yet where I'm being invited to second weddings, but good to know I need to start mentally preparing for that shit show

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