Famed actor from "Where's Waldo' commits double murder.
Waldo, from the once popular puzzle book series, committed a grizly act of seemingly random violence as he murdered Hal-9000 and SmoothBob. The crime occurred in the 'General Chat' section of the forum. Hal, real name Halwynn P. Grumplefink, was shopping for adult diapers and suntan oil when Waldo entered the forum and opened fire with an assault rifle he had recently purchased at a gun show. SmoothBob, real name SmoothRobert, was caught in the crossfire while masturbating to lesbian photos and drinking an unidentified brown liquid.
Waldo, who in recent years had been discarded by the society that once idolized and openly searched for him, had been reduced to playing hide and seek games at children's parties and occasional guest appearances at gun and car shows. His friends admitted he had been battling drug and sex related addictions. Police records indicate several arrests for domestic abuse, drug possession, and looking creepy in public.
His neighbours indicated he was increasingly erratic and often found trying to copy the styles of those around him. He would occasionally beg people to locate him in crowds but more often than not was simply ignored and left unsearched for. Unconfirmed rumors suggest he may have been involved in having sex with men in public bathrooms.
One family member, requesting anonymity, was quoted as saying "Waldo adored the limelight, but when the crowds thinned and he was easily located, his life became empty. We should have stepped in when he killed that midget hooker, but, it was a hooker, so who cares, right?"
SmoothBob's remains were accidentally consumed by a rapid political discussion that overflowed into general chat. The unidentified brown liquid was stolen from evidence by someone known only as 'Goofy'. Halwynn will have open services this weekend before his harddrive is wiped clean and his RAM given in a donor transplant to a computerized Japanese toilet.
Waldo remains at large and may well be standing next to you.
No further details exist at this time.