Wanted fugitive Waldo Captured, SmoothBob found alive.

[JoeyB]

Wanted for suspicion of murder, buggery, and shoplifting, Waldo is finally captured. Witnesses reveal he made a solitary statement "I killed them forum guys, but I did not shoot no deputy down". Which is particularly odd as no deputies had been murdered.

In other breaking news, SmoothRoberto, thought murdered in the first of the now infamous Waldo rampages, was found alive and well. In a well. Roberto told reporters something that sounded like 'I ich bein ein berliner' and then giggled a lot. A Scottish translator has been summoned. At the current time, he has been cleaned up, given a bowl of fresh milk and some jam, and appears calm.

Meanwhile, the Waldo case has taken a sinister new turn as revealed at a press conference led by Sheriff Roscoe P. Benhoffer Flabberfoot. Sheriff Flabberfoot, or 'Big Roscoe' as he prefers to be called, was the man responsible for the arrest of Waldo earlier this week.

"When we first found all them bodies, I said boys (ED: his deputies) lets go round up the usual suspects. Which we did, and we even lynched us three of them Negroes, but finally my deputy said 'Big Roscoe, why is we killing them Negroes if it was a white boy what done all dem killings?'. And we laughed and laughed and finally went and caught us a white boy, one of them queers, and a Jew, cause they always be guilty of something. And also, a Papist, we don't tolerate Catholics in these parts. And we had another lynching and a barbecue. Then my deputy Feenus comes up and says 'I got me one, I got me one', and sure nuff, he had that Waldo fellow. So we takes that Waldo fellow back to the jail and puts him under hot lights, and you know what? He up and rambled like a madman. That boys cracker done crumbled."

Waldo is currently being held in Big Roscoe's jail cell with local ne'er-do-well Clem 'back door bandit' Ferber. No information is available as to if Vaseline has been provided or not.

[Loser]

[Jezter]

It's a relief he's been found! We can live in peace from now on... I hope.

[JoeyB]

It's a relief he's been found! We can live in peace from now on... I hope.

You can hope.

[SmoothBob]

It were alright in that well it were, jus me an teh midgets, we had a right old knees up. Took a hefty blow to the old head though not to sure about certain things. Im Scottish you say? And what happened to my travelling companion, i have vague images someone with a big red eye being with me...? I quite like cheese. Spent a long time desiring cheese on toast. Teh midgets only had the finest gin and tonics ive ever had. Really wanted some cheesy toast but they said the cheese mine had run dry. Such a shame. Did i say that i have a big lump on the back of my head? Took a hefty blow i tell you. So was i saying about a big red Scottish eye? Was following me everywhere. Teh midgets were getting bloody scared after a while i tell you. And another thing, this guy wi a red n white jumper, he owes me a pint he does, got a note here that says so. Used to drink Southern Comfort, straight, 1 cube of ice. Long time ago. Wouldn't thank you for it anymore.

[Hal-9000]

and the English translation will follow, for those of you playing along at home

[JoeyB]

It were alright in that well it were, jus me an teh midgets, we had a right old knees up. Took a hefty blow to the old head though not to sure about certain things. Im Scottish you say? And what happened to my travelling companion, i have vague images someone with a big red eye being with me...? I quite like cheese. Spent a long time desiring cheese on toast. Teh midgets only had the finest gin and tonics ive ever had. Really wanted some cheesy toast but they said the cheese mine had run dry. Such a shame. Did i say that i have a big lump on the back of my head? Took a hefty blow i tell you. So was i saying about a big red Scottish eye? Was following me everywhere. Teh midgets were getting bloody scared after a while i tell you. And another thing, this guy wi a red n white jumper, he owes me a pint he does, got a note here that says so. Used to drink Southern Comfort, straight, 1 cube of ice. Long time ago. Wouldn't thank you for it anymore.

Don't make Waldo put you back in the well.

Oh, and cheese on toast is good, I'll see to it some is lowered down to you.

Now, it puts the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again...

[redred]

and the English translation will follow, for those of you playing along at home

you need to check out this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Porno-Irvine.../dp/022406181X the whole thing is like how bob wrights but it will help you understand his posts

[SmoothBob]

you need to check out this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Porno-Irvine.../dp/022406181X the whole thing is like how bob wrights but it will help you understand his posts

Anything by Irvine Welsh!

The man is my master when it comes tae typin Scottish

Trainspotting is amazing, The Acid House has some of the greatest short stories ever and Maribu Stork Nightmares is a masterpiece!