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Thread: redred's bad jokes

  1. #601
    Yeah... I'm Back teabelly's Avatar
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  3. #602
    OMWTFYB RBP's Avatar
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    My wife and I went to the auction mart the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"

    My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

    We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, ''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR"

    My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW! That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

    We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"

    My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, "That's once a day! You could REALLY learn something from this one."

    I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow."
    Quote Originally Posted by Godfather View Post
    I think we as humans have mouths too big and brains too small...

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  5. #603
    White Kanye DemonGeminiX's Avatar
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    My new girlfriend told me that I'm terrible in bed.

    I don't think it's fair to make a judgment like that in less than a minute.


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    Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.

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  7. #604
    Kwon Atlas Muddy's Avatar
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    There is this African-American kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the kids of color.


    So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. "Hey dad look im white!"

    His dad kicks his ass, and says "Alright go show your mother."

    The kid goes "Hey mom look im white!"

    His mom beats the shit out of him then tells him to go show his grandma.

    The kid again goes "Hey grandma look im white", she beats his ass and sends him to his room.

    About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says "Have you learned anything from this?"

    The kid says "Yeah I've learned that I've only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 black people."
    Quote Originally Posted by RBP View Post
    You want us to reject the policies because of the man, but we tolerate the man because of the policies.

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  9. #605
    I live in the DPRC Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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  11. #606
    White Kanye DemonGeminiX's Avatar
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    What's the best thing about Switzerland?

    I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.


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    Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.

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  13. #607
    White Kanye DemonGeminiX's Avatar
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    What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

    A golfer goes *whack* "Darn!", and the skydiver goes "Darn!" *whack*


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    Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.

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  15. #608
    OMWTFYB RBP's Avatar
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    I said, "It's not about how many times you fall. It's about how many times you get back up."

    Then the cop told me that's not how field sobriety tests work.
    Quote Originally Posted by Godfather View Post
    I think we as humans have mouths too big and brains too small...

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    Hal killed Tormund! Pony's Avatar
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    I live in the DPRC Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    Yeah... I'm Back teabelly's Avatar
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    Yeah... I'm Back teabelly's Avatar
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    For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.
    "You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want."
    And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
    The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
    "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
    Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head!"

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  25. #613
    transracial Hal-9000's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by teabelly View Post
    For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.
    "You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want."
    And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
    The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
    "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
    Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head!"

  26. #614
    Dilly dilly Goofy's Avatar
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  28. #615
    A horse is a horse lost in melb.'s Avatar
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    That really is just dumb

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