The English cricket team visited an orphanage today. "It is really sad to see their little faces with no hope" said Sarah aged 6...
The English cricket team visited an orphanage today. "It is really sad to see their little faces with no hope" said Sarah aged 6...
RBP (01-10-2014)
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you"
Saint Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
RBP (04-24-2014)
While watching Nigella's latest cookery programme, my wife moaned, "I'll never look as good as that."
"Don't be silly," I said. "With a bit of make up and camera trickery, you'd be identical."
"Really?" she asked, perking up. "I could look like Nigella?"
"Oh, sorry," I replied. "I thought you were talking about that potato."
RBP (04-24-2014)
The police caught me dumping a box of puppies on the side of the road.
They charged me with littering.
I ate my watch this morning....... it was really time consuming.
The Monk (03-19-2014)
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story.
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
My current job involves working on an airport customer service desk.
I deal with luggage complaints on a case by case basis.
Sport is a funny thing. Oscar Pistorius is in deep shit because he didn't use his head. Michael Schumacher is in deeper shit because he did.
I've been having therapy to cure my obsession with the band Bon Jovi. Six weeks into my twelve week treatment my psychiatrist asked "So, how are you feeling at this stage?" I said "Ohhhhhh, I'm halfway there".
I was completely shocked this morning when my doctor told me I was colour blind. It came completely out of the green.
Yesterday morning I bought two cases of beer on sale at the Beer Store. I placed them on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. Although it was very cold she was wearing a very short skirt and a light jacket which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window. With her bra-less breasts almost falling out her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice "I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" I thought for a few seconds and asked "What kind of beer 'ya got?"
RBP (05-27-2014)
Warning: The posts of this forum member may contain trigger language which may be considered offensive to some.
Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.