What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?
Wet feet.
What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?
Wet feet.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
Paddys wife comes home from work, all her sex toys are nailed to the wall in a line, she screams 'you fucking dozy irish bastard, i wanted a dado rail !
I should be smacked for laughing at this oneOriginally Posted by redred
I have just visited www.conjunctivitis.com
Thats a site for sore eyes!
Patient
"Doctor I think I have become addicted to Twitter!"
Doctor
"I'm sorry, I don't follow you"
It's taken you all this time to realise that.....
What do you call a fish with no eyes.....?
A fsh.....
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the
***** thing up.
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "Me wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her ******husband!"
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to
avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "Mary Mother of Jesus, Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't ***** breathe".
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