redred's bad jokes

[redred]

An answer I can understand. An American tourist asks an Irishman:

"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"


To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat"

[dmni]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

[dmni]

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

[The Monk]

keep 'em coming....

[redred]

A mate of mine recently started drinking Brake fluid everyday,
I said to him to be careful he didn't become addicted to it but he says he can stop anytime he wants to.

[redred]

I went to Blockbuster the other day and asked to rent Batman Forever, but the assistant said I could only have it for 3 days

[Muddy]

Boy, these are bad..

[redred]

thank you

[Goofy]

A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass?
Kid: The cow ate all of it.
...Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow?
Kid: It left because there was no more grass.

Thats actually pretty good

What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What's blue and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket in disguise.

oublefacepalm:

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".

Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

Hahahahahaha

[beowulf]

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

[beowulf]

The World Diving Series starts soon.

My money is on Christiano Ronaldo.

[beowulf]

Teacher to class: "What does your dad do at weekends?".

Little Boy: "He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his gob".

Teacher takes him outside, "Is that true?".
...
Little boy: "No miss, it's bollocks. He plays for manchester united but I'm too embarrassed to say".

[beowulf]

Finally David Cameron has said about cutting immigrants in the U.K although i was disapointed when i realised he meant not letting them in, i sighed as i put my collection of knives back in the cupboard

[beowulf]

Apparently, if you listen to Justin Bieber's album in reverse, you hear messages to Satan.
But even worse, if you listen to it normally, you hear Justin Bieber.

[beowulf]

This is the last time I tell anybody that I do not want to be cloned.

I will not repeat myself.