redred's bad jokes

[beowulf]

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.

"One British SAS soldier is better than ten Taliban".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One British SAS soldier is better than one hundred Taliban".

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again "One British SAS soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap, ...there's actually two of them."

[beowulf]

Police are investigating a dead Taliban found floating in Michael Barrymore's swimming pool.

Apparently he was a suicide bummer.

[beowulf]

It's been reported that the Taliban soldiers say sheep are perfect to detect mines.

They send them into a field and if they're blown up, they have dinner; if they make it through alive, they have a date.

[beowulf]

I've just got my first acting job, it's in a film called '147'

It could be my big break.

[beowulf]

What do you call a Dwarf who wants to fuck Hugh Grant?


Midget Jones.

[beowulf]

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

[beowulf]

I Heard the Energizer Bunny has been arrested?
He was charged with battery.

[beowulf]

'Knock knock'.

"Who's there?"

"Cheryl Cole."

"Sorry, you'll have to speak more clearly, try again."

[beowulf]

I rang Cheryl Cole's agent yesterday to see when she'd be back from America?

He said, "When the boat comes in."

[beowulf]

Sky News-"Cheryl Cole 'In Talks With Cowell'"

Simon has asked Ant and Dec to translate

[beowulf]

Can't understand why Fulham have just erected a statue of Michael Jackson at their ground when he's got no connection with the club? If it had been one of George Michael it would have made more sense, as I read somewhere that he's quite a famous cottager.

[beowulf]

Of all the things that Darth Vader lost when the Death Star blew up, it was the destruction of his George Michael box set that affected him most deeply.

He finds his lack of Faith disturbing.

[beowulf]

Justin Bieber has announced he's to release a female fragrance which is to be named after the last woman who took him to bed

It's called "Mum".

[beowulf]

Just heard what Philip said to Obama when they met earlier this week: Oh you're not dead, thought they buried you at sea?

[redred]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.