oh yeah...I've heard of Brian myself.
oh yeah...I've heard of Brian myself.
RBP (01-18-2015)
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new
electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying,
"All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen...."
amex (01-25-2015), DemonGeminiX (03-01-2015), FBD (04-12-2015), Goofy (02-10-2015), RBP (01-24-2015)
Originally Posted by PorkChopSandwiches
Little Jimmy was outside the bedroom door of his single Mom and peeked in. She was laying on the bed moaning, rubbing her genitals while exclaiming - I need a man, oh God I need a man.
The next evening a man showed up and took Jimmy's Mom out on a date.
When Jimmy's Mom got home she looked in on her son while he was sleeping and was horrified to catch him laying there naked, rubbing his penis and saying - I need a new red bike, I need a new red bike
DemonGeminiX (03-01-2015), Goofy (02-10-2015), RBP (01-25-2015)
So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi lover. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
DemonGeminiX (03-01-2015), The Monk (03-01-2015)
Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant...
While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough. After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shook her head no.
Then he asked, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no.
The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.
His buddy said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
ffs
FBD (04-12-2015)
PorkChopSandwiches (02-13-2015), RBP (02-13-2015)
Q. What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
A. You can't hear a vitamin...
What did the leper say to the prostitute after the blowjob? Keep the tip!
What's a Jew's biggest dilemma? Free ham.
What do Jewish pedophiles say? "Hey kid, want to buy some candy?"
What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.
Last edited by morph000; 02-13-2015 at 11:24 AM.
DemonGeminiX (03-01-2015), PorkChopSandwiches (02-13-2015), RBP (02-13-2015)
Wife dreamed that she was attending a dick auction...
Wife: "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband: "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: "They gave those away."
Husband: "I had a dream too...I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife: "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband: "That's where they held the auction."
DemonGeminiX (03-01-2015), FBD (04-12-2015), The Monk (03-01-2015)
Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?
What's the most unexpected place for a girl to have a piercing?
I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.
PorkChopSandwiches (03-01-2015), The Monk (03-01-2015)
I read that too but found it boring but I stuck to it!~
Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. "Ooh" said the presenter. "This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers, taxidermists, who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in really good condition?" "Sticks" said Paddy.
FBD (04-12-2015), Griffin (03-27-2015), PorkChopSandwiches (03-27-2015)
My gay friend told me his old boyfriend never played with his balls, but his new one just can't stop playing with them
I told him "I suppose one man's junk is another mans treasure"
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