redred's bad jokes

[Fodster]

Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production
of humus and taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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Sixty Pakistanis died in Sydney this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed..
The police are blaming AL IKEA .
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Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman
says "Do you know the limit is 100?"
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that, three of you
have got to get out!"
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
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Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to
hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
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Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look longingly through the
window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said
white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30
minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after
they tested positive for WD40.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
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Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in last year's
riots: your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.
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Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both are in hospital. One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka!
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In the first few days of the last Olympics, Romanians took gold,
silver, bronze, copper & lead.
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The sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia
took a Middle aged couple from Singapore .
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An entrepreneur has started his own business in Afghanistan
making Land Mines that look like prayer mats!
It's doing well. Prophets are going through the roof.
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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, ‘Never mind the pills, have you seen the dragons in the
kitchen’?
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An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service,
the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent
fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid’.

[Hal-9000]

What do Jewish frogs say? Rebate, rebate!

[DemonGeminiX]

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that was running around killing people?

The police said he was a small medium at large.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

 

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

[Hal-9000]

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

 

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

wonderful

[PorkChopSandwiches]

[redred]

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.
"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.
"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Paddy.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Jack is dating this girl Paula. He takes her out five times before he finally gets her back up to his apartment for coffee. They're fooling around on the couch, they move to the bedroom, and they have sex.

After it's done, Paula glances over at the nightstand and sees the box of Trojans. It's a 12-pack, but there are only five left in there.

"What happened to the rest of them?" she asks accusingly.

"Well... I masturbated into them," he says.

She accepts the answer, but she's curious. When she's with a few guy friends two days later, Paula asks them about it.

"Do you guys ever do that?" she asks.

"Sure, all the time," her friend says.

"Really, you masturbate into condoms?" she responds.

"Oh, no! I thought you were asking if I ever lie to my girlfriend!"

[redred]

[redred]

billy stops paddy in Dublin and says .."what's the quickest way to cork ..paddy replies are you on foot or car..billy replies car..paddy replies yeah that's the quickest

[PorkChopSandwiches]

[Griffin]

I'll go slow....it's like this....travel by car is much faster than by foot.


...still not sure?

[redred]

[PorkChopSandwiches]

I'll go slow....it's like this....travel by car is much faster than by foot.


...still not sure?

I read it slower, ok. Just a terrible joke

[Goofy]

I read it slower, ok. Just a terrible joke

Hence the thread title