I know I have a problem. I've known it for years. I can still remember my first time, I honestly didn't like it at first. But one might resort to anything when facing boredom. It was 2003 I believe when I bought my first one. It was a terrible disk that was off balance and shook my ps2 until it eventually succumbed to the endless torture. I spent long sleepless hours wallowing in my own filth only so I could devote every second without blinking to ensure my little imaginary friend picked up every wrapper and old newspaper that might bring down his mood.

"This is ridiculous". I might mumble from time to time and step outside into the blinding sunshine of the real world. But my mind couldn't break free of Will Wright's uber addictive product and simple muscle memory would guide my hands onto the controller. Like unintentionally stealing someone's lighter, you don't even think about it. It just happens as though some unseen force was at work.

And it is ridiculous, really. You create a sim and then you send him off to work. Boring. You make him take a bath. Boring. You make him make his bed. Boring. He eats and shits. Boring. There are the interactions with other sims, sure, but you don't know what is actually being said. You kinda just stare like an over-medicated, mildly retarded tree sloth hoping someone gets slapped.

Here it is eight or so years and three other console releases later and I'm still a user. I bought Sims 3 for my PS3 a month or so ago. I think, is it still 2010? I've lost track of all time and reason. I'm up untill 2am fucking around with this shit when I know I have a ton of things to do the next day. I get agitated when some irritant from the outside, so called "real" world interrupts my quality time with my imaginary friend. His name is Simon Sez and he's the coolest, richest, sexiest astronaut ever.

Okay cut to the case. I'm so fucking pissed off right now that I almost punched a hole in the drywall because I can't get the cute firefighter chick to go steady with me. Sure, she puts out on demand. We even got kicked out of the courthouse for screwing in the judge's chambers. We laugh we play I serenade her. Still squat, bupkiss, sweet frigall.

Is this wrong that I get this worked up over a really stupid game? I should probably mention I'm 41 years old, oh and I'm a redhead. Does anyone else wanna toilet paper Will Wright's mansion? If a tomato is a fruit is ketchup technically a smoothie?