Goofs random joke thread (do not view if easily offended)

[Fodster]

[PorkChopSandwiches]

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work...

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"

I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.

Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.

Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.

Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

[Goofy]

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work...

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"

I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.

Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.

Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.

Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

[PorkChopSandwiches]

[Goofy]

Leading pharmaceutical companies have announced that they will no longer use rabbits in their scientific experiments. Muslims are to be used instead. A spokesman explained that they breed much faster than rabbits, and nobody gets fond of them.

[Goofy]

All the gym bunnies moaning about the newbies.
Get over yourselves.
You didn't see us moaning when you came to use our pubs in December.

[Goofy]

My wife keeps dropping hints about a sexy gift she wants.
"It begins with 'D' and ends in 'O' .. and it fits snugly in there", she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.
I said, "Where the fuck am I gonna find a didgeridoo?"

[Goofy]

A human fart can be louder than a trombone.

I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.

[PorkChopSandwiches]

My wife keeps dropping hints about a sexy gift she wants.
"It begins with 'D' and ends in 'O' .. and it fits snugly in there", she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.
I said, "Where the fuck am I gonna find a didgeridoo?"

[Goofy]

Justin Bieber apparently treated himself to a private jet this year for Christmas.

I'm treating him to an early birthday present.

I've paid for him to have an Indonesian pilot for as long as it takes.

[Goofy]

[Goofy]

There is only one rule of Alzheimer's Club,

[Goofy]

There certainly seems to be a lack of imagination this Halloween.
Walking through Birmingham city centre this morning all the women seem to be dressed as black ghosts.

[Goofy]

I turned to my colleague and asked, "Can you smell burning?"

23 years we've worked together at the Crematorium and that joke never gets old.

[Goofy]

I saw a four-year-old girl sat on her own today. No signs of anyone near.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. "Do you know where your Mummy or Daddy are?"

"No," she sobbed.

We know how to have a laugh at the orphanage.