Charlie Sheen Nemesis Chuck Lorre Offers His "Uncensored Thoughts"

[Teh One Who Knocks]

by Natalie Finn - E! Online




Charlie Sheen and Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre have had their, er, differences, to put it mildly.

But judging by Lorre's long-awaited response to Sheen's magical mystery tour of "righting wrongs" and pursuing victory against Lorre and the dark overlords at CBS and Warner Bros., you'd think that the longtime colleagues were drinking the same strange, prosaic Kool-Aid...

"I understand that I'm under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently," read Lorre's latest signature vanity card (aka, the source of all this bickering), which flashed after Monday's episode of Mike & Molly and was later posted to his website.

"The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation," he continued.

"I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol. It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies and invaders from Mars. Each one is a dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must, by nature, flee. The Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, 'Screw Grace, I am so outta here!'

"Questions?"

Oh, so many.

Does this mean Lorre is turning the page on Two and a Half Men, which, to date, is his most successful comedic enterprise in terms of ratings and syndication dollars?

Then again, though Sheen has scored multiple Emmy nods for Men, Jim Parsons from The Big Bang Theory is the one actually winning the Emmys, so maybe Lorre won't miss his mad Men quite so much.

And obviously Lorre was poking fun at Sheen's latest rantings, from his comment about being on a drug "called Charlie Sheen," to his latest about riding the media wave "on a mercury surfboard." But was Lorre speaking for himself when he wrote, "I'm so outta here," or was he referring to Sheen's seeming sayonara to reality?

After already talking to ABC News, NBC's Today, Access Hollywood and yours truly, Sheen took the Straight Talk Express 2.0 to Piers Morgan Tonight, where he said he'd be willing to get in a room and talk to the folks that have wronged him—after they pay him, his costars and the entire crew full salaries for the eight episodes that were originally going to cap the 2010-11 season.

Warner Bros. said today that it would compensate the crew for four episodes, four already having been canceled when Sheen checked into rehab. Or stayed home. Same difference.

But reading Lorre's "uncensored thoughts"...Sheen sounds like he's down more than one and a half men.

[Southern Belle]

What the hell?

[Joebob034]

I guess that's why these two hate each other - Like charges repel AKA crazy-high repels crazy-high

[Noilly Pratt]

I used to work for the BC Film commission...many people in the film industry are neurotic nutbars, and these two are only proving me right.

[Godfather]

Pretty clever actually

Pretty clear he was just totally mocking sheen... guess that's somewhere between taking the high-road and utterly tearing Sheen to pieces

I'm sure the guy is a dick like Sheen and some of the other cast say... but he's obviously brilliant. Sheen is a dumbass who blew perhaps the best job in the entire world.