FML, MLIA, TFLN

[Godfather]

Fuck my life, My life is average, and Texts from Last Night

Right here baby Post your favorites and best of

If you're not familiar, they're hilarious sites. Links to all 3 as follows

http://www.fmylife.com/
http://mylifeisaverage.com/
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

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TFLN
(541):
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

(615):
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.

(917):
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?

[Godfather]

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML



(515):
What did I eat last night that was bloody?

[Godfather]

(416):
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

(316):
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day

(603):
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.

(239):
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

[Godfather]

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

[Foxdana]

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

Oh, Yuck!

[Pony]

[Goofy]

(484):

seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally




Lance?

[Goofy]

(206):

Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?

[Goofy]

(787):

Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt

[Goofy]

Awesome

(832):

He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.

[Goofy]

(267):

I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.

[Goofy]

(949):

he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"

[Goofy]

(715):

I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

[Goofy]

Hahahaha

(+91):

I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.

[Goofy]

(615):

Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it