FML, MLIA, TFLN

**Godfather** · 03-01-2011, 10:14 PM

Great finds Goof!!

OHh man this one made cringe BIG time

(314):
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

**Godfather** · 03-01-2011, 10:15 PM

(404):
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

(1-404):
Two?

(404):
Two.

**Godfather** · 03-01-2011, 10:16 PM

(325):
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

**Hugh_Janus** · 03-01-2011, 10:38 PM

Originally Posted by Godfather

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

that is awesome!

**Yt Trash** · 03-01-2011, 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by Godfather

(325):
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

**Godfather** · 03-01-2011, 11:47 PM

(603):
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.

(god I hope it works this way

)
(313):
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by Godfather

(404):
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

(1-404):
Two?

(404):
Two.

Didn't leave an address for her did he?

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:05 AM

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:06 AM

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:07 AM

(909):

I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:08 AM

(803):

Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:13 AM

After school, I usually walk home because my house isn't that far away. I started to turn into my neighborhood when I saw my elderly neighbor on roller skates with a red cape screaming for Batman. When my dad jumped from out of the bushes yelling, "I'm here Robin!" I'm so very confused about what my dad does to pass time when I am at school.

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:39 AM

(734):

just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:41 AM

I particularly liked the wisdom of this one:

(313):

sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm

**The Monk** · 03-02-2011, 10:51 AM

(414):

I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us

Thread: FML, MLIA, TFLN

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