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Thread: Let's hear your blonde jokes.

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    Let's hear your blonde jokes.

    A Cheif was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

    The blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

    The Chief says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

    Flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

    The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

    The Cheif angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!!

    Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

    The Chief is surprised because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

    "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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    Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

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    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

    The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun.

    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

    To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

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    It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

    She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snowdrift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snowplow went by and she started to follow it. As she follows the snowplow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

    After quite sometime had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.

    The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snowplow when caught in a blizzard.

    The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next.

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    Two blondes were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was.

    So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful.

    "Well, once a week I fill a bathtub up with milk and just soak in it."

    So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like to buy a lot of milk."

    "How much?" asked the farmer.

    "Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

    He asked, "would you like that Pasturized?"

    The blonde thought for a minute and said, "No, just up to my tits"

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    Three blondes had just bought a can of Pepsi One and were anxious to try it for the first time.

    So the first blonde opens the can, the second blonde pours it into three glasses.

    The third blonde eyes the three glasses suspiciously and says "I wonder which one has the calorie?"

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    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.

    With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humor!"

    The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

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    What do you call a blonde with pigtails?

    A blowjob with handles.

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    A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    The blonde did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.

    "I would like to buy this TV."

    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

    "Because that's a microwave."

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    Banana Bagpiper HyperV12's Avatar
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    What does a Blonde say after she has just had sex?



    So do you all play for the same team then?

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    Banana Bagpiper HyperV12's Avatar
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    How does a blonde turn on the lights after she has just had sex?




    She opens the car door.

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    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

    “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me”.

    “The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left wrist and screamed,then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.

    She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

    Everywhere she touched made her scream.

    The doctor said, “You’re a natural blonde aren't you?”

    “Yes, as a matter of fact I am. How did you know?"

    “I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken”.

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    A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
    Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend."
    The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet."
    So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
    The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

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    A blonde named Anna had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplugged it.

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