Emma G Keller - The Guardian




I'm having the same reaction to the onset of Breast Cancer Awareness month – or #Pinktober, if you want to hashtag it – as I did 20 months ago to the news that I had breast cancer.

I'm not shocked; in fact, I'm quite calm. But I feel dread at what lies ahead, coupled with an urgent desire to return to life as normal. I'm annoyed that the words "breast" and "cancer" will loom in everyday vocabulary, often bolded, in italic, or shouting at me in caps lock. I want to keep my sense of perspective, but I'm extremely curious as to how other people cope. I know there's no way round this, but more than anything I just want to get it over and done with.

Of course, breast cancer does not confine its insidious activity to four autumnal weeks. Since my own diagnosis and treatment in February 2012, three women I know well enough to share intimate physical details with have been diagnosed. Their cases couldn't be less similar to mine. Which is not surprising. As Dr Robert Darnell, president of the newly-built New York Genome Center, told me recently:

What do my friends and I have in common? We're all women. All of us hate the co-opting of the color pink. It's not "our" color (in the same way it's not the color of choice of my two daughters, aged 11 and 16). Turning breast cancer pink is infantilizing. But most of the time, we have more important things to worry about than a marketing ploy, so we ignore it.

We worry about our health in a way we never did before. Three of the four of us have had mastectomies; the fourth faces the prospect of one. So, we are getting used to unfamiliar and unfeeling bodies. That's a process that will last a lifetime. What's a lifetime? That's something we have all changed our minds about.

I am the only one of us whose cancer was "cured" surgically. My cells were non-invasive and confined to the ducts of one breast. My "luck" at not having to have chemotherapy or radiation has filled me with both disbelief and guilt. I read the blogs of other women whose cancer endures for years, all the time, not just in October. One of these amazingly eloquent women died at the weekend, leaving behind a six-year-old son. She had had breast cancer his whole life.

I wonder why "my" disease has its own month and color, when heart disease and ovarian cancer don't. I was in Greenwich, CT at the weekend and I passed a fancy store window with pink shoes in it. Yes, Manolo Blahnik has designed a special pink shoe – yours for $990 – in honor of the Breast Cancer Alliance. A massive 20% (TWENTY PER CENT!) of the proceeds go to the BCA. I dare you to buy a pair.

Which brings me to the cost. The cost of breast cancer puts it into healthcare's luxury market. Why does a mastectomy in the US cost a quarter of a million dollars? Why does the drug Herceptin drug cost my friend in South Africa $50 000-$60 000 for a year? That's a lot of pairs of Manolos. Why is this disease unaffordable for so many women who get it?

If you are moved to give money to helping those with breast cancer this month, I'd like to suggest you think about giving it directly to a reputable organization. If 20% of pink purchases goes to help people with breast cancer, a bunch of healthy people are doing very nicely with the other 80% from your good intentions. Do those who get rich off the sick have their own room in hell? If they do, let's hope it's a large one.

What I've learnt over the past year or so is that those whose lives are upended by breast cancer are constantly hunting for information about how to live with it. The best way I can contribute is to help inform. We are having three cancer-focussed live chats during the month here on the Living Hour.

The first is a general one designed to answer any questions you might have; the second is about cooking for someone experiencing severe nausea (either from chemo or from surgery); and the final one will be with Dr Darnell about new the developments in diagnosis and treatment.

I hope that will be still be a useful resource for people, even when, by November, the internet will no longer be pink.