ABC News: Bad drivers to face $100 fines
Seems a bit sexist.
ABC News: Bad drivers to face $100 fines
Seems a bit sexist.
Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three times longer?
Max Factor should make condoms.
I was abused as a child by my Jewish neighbour.
I didn't know any different at the time, I just accepted it. It's only now I'm older I've realised what he did was strange.
The bastard used to charge me.
I remember those Christmas eve's as a child, squeezing my eyes shut pretending to be asleep waiting for Santa to come.
And then the awkward moments while he got dressed and left.
come back to my place, I'll show you how to drink tequila.
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh
bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet
mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to
the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped
by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she
said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching
again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my
fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I
have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand,
I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said,
"Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . . "Poupon."
I made a really great sandwich today, cheese, ham, tomato, a crisp lettuce leaf, garnished with whole grain mustard and coleslaw, all wrapped lovingly in a fresh baguette. Anyway, I left the room, for a few minutes (due to a fairly troublesome shit) and when I came back in it was gone. I was completely beside myself. I checked the fridge, the microwave, desperately trying to think where I could have put it. I had a look in the oven even though I knew I couldn't have put it there. I went back to the bathroom, tears forming in my eyes (though I maintain that it was from the smell I left in there rather than my emotional trauma) to see if I might have taken it up with me. Next I rushed round my housemates' rooms trying to find a potential thief, or failing that, at least getting some help on my search.
After half an hour of looking I came to a stunning realisation... I could easily have made another sandwich in the time I had spent looking for it.
In a completely unrelated matter, I have some advice for Kate and Gerry McCann.
come back to my place, I'll show you how to drink tequila.
I'm ryan dunn and this is roadside barbecue
apparently, elton john will be performing a version of one of his songs as a tribute to amy winehouse.... candle under the spoon
Originally Posted by Hugh_Janus
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said "Son, that's three schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether".
This is as offensive as anything I have ever seen......
I met a girl in the park last night. We got chatting, and things were going well, so I thought I'd try my luck. I said "Simon says take your top off". Off it came. "Simon says take off your bra". Out came the titties. After I'd groped them for a while I said "Simon says get naked and bend over". I fucked her hard up the arse and came inside her. I then pulled up my pants and walked one way, as she ran off the other way, screaming. Its great having a knife called Simon.
Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line she's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
What's with this vajazzle stuff? In my day a cunt covered in jewellery was called Mr T.
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