Time to be Offensive.....again!

[The Monk]

It's so hot today, I'm sweating like a paedophile at a hannah montana concert.

[The Monk]

I've just put 300 pounds on a horse.

I gave my wife a leg-up.

[The Monk]

In the toilet, I went up next to this other guy at the wide urinal to take a piss and he saw how big my dick was.

Quick erections aren't always a good thing.

[The Monk]

Cant wait for the minute silence at the memorial. It is the only time you get americans to shut the fuck up about what happened.

[The Monk]

I walked out of a club with a girl last night.

She slipped her hand inside my jeans, squeezed my cock and said, "Yours or mine?"

I said, "That's mine."

[The Monk]

I no longer see my wife and kids and it's all because of gambling.

I won shit loads of money and moved to a Pacific Island.

[The Monk]

They say so many people die because of alcohol...
Perhaps they never realised how many of them are born because of it.

[The Monk]

I've been married to my wife ten years today.

Having sex with just one person in ten years is pure dedication.

I don't know how she does it.

[The Monk]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

[The Monk]

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely ruined our 10th anniversary.

[The Monk]

If my Internet gets any slower by the time this video has downloaded the girl in it will be legal.

[The Monk]

I took my wife out last night,and as I did up her zip,I thought she had never looked better.

Dead in a body bag.

[The Monk]

I've always stood up for black people.

It's not worth getting stabbed over a seat.

[The Monk]

So, Google has turned 13 today.

It's not the first time that a 13 year old has provided me with decent wanking material.

[The Monk]

My dyslexic wife takes it up the earholes.