Time to be Offensive.....again!

**The Monk** · 01-09-2012, 11:59 AM

I drew a cock on my mates cheek, nobody else at the funeral seen the funny side of it.

**The Monk** · 03-09-2012, 04:05 AM

I've never laughed at kids with Downs Syndrome. Well, not until I saw one fall down an escalator...

**DemonGeminiX** · 03-18-2012, 08:06 PM

I like my women to be like my stove: smokin' hot, and in the kitchen.

**DemonGeminiX** · 03-18-2012, 11:10 PM

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?

**The Monk** · 03-19-2012, 10:18 AM

People say that you shouldn't just make your mum feel special on mother's day and not the remaining 364 days.

So I did the right thing and treated her like shit on mother's day too.

**The Monk** · 03-26-2012, 02:23 PM

I was in a pub last night and saw two large girls by the bar. They both had strange accents so I said "Hello are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them screamed "Its WALES you fucking idiot!" So I immediately apologised and said "Sorry are you two whales from Scotland?"

**The Monk** · 03-26-2012, 02:34 PM

Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed.

Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.

The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives.

The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon three times against his coffee mug.

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and three times on the peanut butter.

**The Monk** · 03-26-2012, 02:35 PM

Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed.

Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.

The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives.

The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon three times against his coffee mug.

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and three times on the peanut butter.

**The Monk** · 03-30-2012, 08:16 AM

Girl: "So what do you do for a living then?" Bloke: "I'm a ventriloquist". Girl: "Really? You will have to show me some time". Bloke: "I can show you now if you like, let me put my hand up your skirt and I'll make your lips move".

**The Monk** · 04-01-2012, 11:32 AM

It’s a bizarre web app that, for a fee of $35, lets you turn your Twitter feed into four rolls of actual, usable toilet paper.

This isn’t a joke. It’s a real thing that exists.

I’m at a total loss for words on this one.

http://www.getshitter.com/