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12-21-2012, 05:12 AM
#271
Shelter Dweller
Tampax are changing their design they are replacing the string with a piece of tinsel... this is for the Christmas period only!
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12-21-2012, 10:46 AM
#272
weapon of mass consumption
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01-05-2013, 10:47 AM
#273
Shelter Dweller
Anal sex is a lot like my first car... I didn't really want it, but my uncle gave it to me anyway.
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01-05-2013, 10:48 AM
#274
Shelter Dweller
Had a game of golf with the wife at the weekend and ended up shanking my tee shot and driving my ball up the wife's arse. Took her to the doctor's and he said "Fuck me that's up a fairway!"
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01-05-2013, 10:57 AM
#275
Shelter Dweller
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night. Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
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01-06-2013, 10:03 AM
#276
Shelter Dweller
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01-30-2013, 10:18 AM
#277
Shelter Dweller
I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night. They were called "Bomb Jovi". They were brilliant. Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down. Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD. I was interested so I asked him "Can you burn me a copy?" Well that was when the trouble started...
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01-30-2013, 10:39 AM
#278
Shelter Dweller
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of guys saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
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02-01-2013, 11:06 AM
#279
Shelter Dweller
Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? The old lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. By the way, it just reaches to the back of her sister's throat".
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02-07-2013, 02:23 AM
#280
Shelter Dweller
My son came home from school all chuffed about gay marriage being legalised.
"Why are you so happy?" I asked. "Have you even got a boyfriend?"
He scrunched up his face dramatically, then replied, "It's the principle."
"Really?" I said. "Well, at least it's not the priest again."
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02-07-2013, 02:25 AM
#281
Shelter Dweller
The vote to legalise gay marriage was an important symbolic victory for the Conservatives, in the name of equality.
After all, they've already shafted everyone else in Britain up the arse.
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02-07-2013, 02:30 AM
#282
Shelter Dweller
A lot of countries dislike Americans because they refuse to learn a second language. That's just fucking stupid.
I dislike them for not learning their first one.
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02-07-2013, 02:31 AM
#283
Shelter Dweller
They had to get a translator in at the benefits office today.
Somebody came in speaking English.
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02-07-2013, 02:33 AM
#284
Shelter Dweller
What will happen at the first lesbian divorce?
How will both of them get three quarters of everything?
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02-12-2013, 08:46 AM
#285
Shelter Dweller
Lost my job as a lifeguard yesterday. Apparently refusing a Muslim entry to the pool whilst tapping the "No bombing" sign isn't the appropriate.
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