Time to be Offensive.....again!

[PorkChopSandwiches]

Arnette

[Hal-9000]

A man notices his thirteen-year-old son has been walking around for a week with a hard-on in his pants, and figures the boy needs some relief. He gives the kid twenty dollars and says "Take this to the whorehouse at the other end of town, and have some fun".

Well, the whorehouse is a good hour walk each way, but the boy returns in only 45 minutes.

The father says "Where were you?"

"Well" says the boy "When I walked by Grandma's house she asked where I was going and I told her. She said 'Why don't you just come in here instead, and I'll do you for free'. So that's what I did".

The father, outraged, screams "Are you telling me you fucked MY MOTHER?"

"What's the big deal?" says the boy "You fuck mine!"

haven't heard that one

[Teh One Who Knocks]

[The Monk]

Trevor the Auckland sheep farmer was balls deep into his favourite ewe, when his dog came up and started to lick his arse, although this made him come quicker, he couldn't help but think that dogs were dirty bastards.

[RBP]

My ex-wife could manipulate the muscles of her vagina so it felt like you were getting a blow job. Pretty funny when you think about it because when she manipulated the muscles of her mouth she sounded like a cunt.

Mine too!

[The Monk]

I walked into my nans bedroom and caught her sucking my grandads cock. I said "Aaarrrgh nan that's disgusting". She said "No it's not, it's perfectly normal" I said "No nan its wrong, you should have buried it with the rest of him".

[The Monk]

Silently I slipped the condom over my erect cock and unrolled it down the entire length of my throbbing shaft never once losing eye contact with the young woman as she stared in wide eyed disbelief, then breaking the nervous silence I spoke "Yes that seems to fit okay, I'll take the whole packet please"...

[The Monk]

What do black kids get for Christmas? Your bike.

[The Monk]

Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble any more.

[The Monk]

The kids today don't know they're born. Not like us when we were young. We were so poor in our house that on Christmas morning, if you didn't wake up with an erection, you had bugger all to play with!

[The Monk]

[The Monk]

I've just seen the news about Muslim staff in M&S refusing to sell alcohol.
Whatever next?
Christian staff in B&Q refusing to sell nails and wood?

[The Monk]

I noticed two lesbians kissing in the bar and thought it would be a good chance to answer my query.

I asked, "What exactly is it about dicks that you don't like?"

One of them replied, "They ask stupid fucking questions."

[The Monk]

I walked in on my son trying to suck his own cock.

"Oh my god," he jumped up, "Sorry dad, it's not what it looks like."

I said, "Don't worry son, I've tried too."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I replied, "But you woke up before I had the chance."

[The Monk]

I always carve a heart with a woman's initials into a tree on the first date...

It's the most romantic way to show her you have a knife.