Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box. Such a pity it was a puppy.
Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box. Such a pity it was a puppy.
The best thing about Christmas is that it offends Muslims...
From an email my Uncle sent me...
I'll bet Krylon loves this plug. How to get rid of ants. . .
My buddy from Atlanta , Georgia swears this works.
Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint.
Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick. The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds.
Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.
Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.
Warning: The posts of this forum member may contain trigger language which may be considered offensive to some.
Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.
RBP (01-13-2015)
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now. He's a martyr now though," the mother confides.
''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21. He’s a martyr too,'' she said.
''And here is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18,'' she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend, ''I remember when he first started school. A darling child.''
''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, now with tears in her eyes. “Allah be praised.”
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Radical Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says,
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
I wanted to be a Monk, but I never got the chants.
How many feminists does it take to cook me dinner?
Seven. One to do the frying and six to suck my dick
DemonGeminiX (02-13-2015), RBP (01-24-2015), The Monk (02-13-2015)
Ugh, you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
The person who came up with the saying 'Nothing lasts forever' has obviously never had a wank over Susan Boyle.
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says "Open wide". "I can't" replies the blonde "this chair's got arms".
Last edited by The Monk; 02-13-2015 at 11:50 AM.
There was this 92-year-old woman whose body was covered from head to toe with big festering pus-filled boils. They were on her face, her arms and her legs... everywhere. Each was filled with mucus and blood.
This old lady was also a masochist, so she put an ad up on Craigslist offering to pay anyone $5,000 if they would bite off each and every one of her boils.
She didn't get any immediate response, but sure enough after a while this guy was desperate for money and agreed to do the job.
He showed up at the woman's house and she came out in a robe. She peeled it off and revealed her boil covered body. The guy groaned at the thought of the task ahead of him, but he just kept concentrating on the five grand and went to work, biting on a boil on the woman's arm until it ejaculated blood and puss all over his face.
This kept going for over five hours, biting off the boils between the elderly woman's toes and in her armpits. He bit off boils on her inner thighs and behind her ears. Finally he was finished and he fell back with a pant, covered with blood, pus, mucous and dripping with sweat. The woman laid on the bed a mass of crimson patches of bruises and ripped flesh.
"Okay lady..." the man said with a gasp "I did it... now give me the five grand..." "Just a second, sonny..." the woman said with a grin "there's one more left!"
She bent over and spread her wrinkled withered butt cheeks to reveal a gigantic boil about the size of a baby's head growing right out of her ass. The man rolled his eyes and gagged and said to himself..."What the hell, I've gone this far... only one left... I need the money... what the hell..."
And then dove face first at the butt boil, gnawing and biting at it repeatedly trying to make it pop.
Then, out of the blue, the old woman let out a giant fart. The man reeled back from between her butt crack and yelled at her "WHAT ARE YA TRYING TO DO LADY!!? MAKE ME SICK?!?"
Paddy goes to America for the first time, walking up 5th Avenue. He sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows. He shouts up "Oi'm Paddy-John Dara O'Neill, the Oirish rugby player! Jump and Oi'll catch ye's". A girl jumps out and Paddy catches her, a guy jumps and Paddy gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and Paddy lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up "Come on now folks, there's no point t'rowin down the burnt ones!!
An American woman has alleged that Prince Andrew forced her to have sex with him while she was a minor. Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace has offered the woman a goodwill gift of a trip to Paris complete with chauffeur-driven Mercedes.
Fodster (02-15-2015)
Metropolitan Police have confirmed they have found a number female murder victims who's bodies have been badly mutilated with the exception of their vaginas. The Police state they are looking for a serial killer who doesn't beat around the bush.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
RBP (02-21-2015)
So this black kid was playing in the kitchen right and He accidentally knocked a bag of flour off the shelf and it went all over him.
His mom came in the kitchen and he decided to make a joke of it. "Look Mom, I'm white!" he said.
His mom slapped him across the cheek. "I can't believe you just said that boy, go tell your father what you just said."
Surprised and a little hurt, he walked over to his Dad in the TV room and said "Hey look Dad... I'm white!"
When his Dad heard that, he flat out punched the kid square in the face. The kid was shocked and confused. The Dad said "Boy that's the worst shit I've ever heard, go and show your grandma what you did and tell her what you said.
So the kid begrudgingly walked upstairs and walked into his Grandma's bedroom. "Hey Grandma look, I'm white!" And his Grandma just pummeled him.
Relentlessly. So hard that both the kids' parents had came upstairs to break up the beating.
They all stood around him and asked him "Yeah well how do you feel about making that joke now?"
The kid just looked up at them and said "...Well I've only been white for 10 minutes, and I hate all you niggers already!"
DemonGeminiX (02-27-2015), RBP (02-27-2015), The Monk (03-01-2015)
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