Time to be Offensive.....again!

[The Monk]

Bob Geldof has got musicians together for "Flood Aid". So far Muddy Waters, The Drifters, Wet Wet Wet and the Beach Boys have agreed to sing 'The Tide is High'

[The Monk]

I was so sad when I heard of the devastation in japan...

Who knows when the Wii 2 will come out now?

[The Monk]

I rang my mate in japan and asked him what he was up to...

He said "my neck"

[The Monk]

Turns out that when the whole population of China jump at the same time, it really fucks up Japan.

[The Monk]

Following Gilbert Gottfried’s series of ill-conceived tweets poking fun at the devastation in Japan, Aflac informed the comedian, who has voiced the Aflac Duck for over a decade, that his services would no longer be required.

“Gilbert’s recent comments about the crisis in Japan were lacking in humor and certainly do not represent the thoughts and feelings of anyone at Aflac,” the company said in an official statement. “Aflac will immediately set plans in motion to conduct a nationwide casting call to find a new voice of the iconic Aflac Duck.”

[The Monk]

A tsuname has just hit an Abbo community in the north of Australia.

Authorities are expecting about $3,000,000 of improvements.......

[The Monk]

An Aussie farmer spots a bloke in his paddock and follows him. He catches up just as the bloke reaches one of the farm dams and stops for a drink, lapping water with his hand.

"Oi!! Mate !! Don't drink that shit....it's full full of chemicals, horse piss and cow shit!"

The bloke stops drinking and looks up with a bewildered expression.

"Sorry....no speak much Englisdh - I from Pakistan. What you say? Please speak slower."

"OK." said the farmer and slowly proceeded....." If - you - use - both - hands - you - won't - spill - so - much!"

[St. George]

I was out in the garden the other day and Mr Singh from next door pops his head over the fence. "You know what" he said, "I think I live in a better area than you." Considering we lived next door to eachother, I was a bit surprised so I asked, "Why's that then?"
"I don't have any paki's living next door to me!", he said.

[The Monk]

[The Monk]

It's all bullshit....check Google Street View - Japan looks fine.....

[The Monk]

My daughter came home from school in tears. I asked "What's the matter love?" She said "One of my teachers was arrested for abusing children today." I put my arm around her. "Did he do anything to you?" She shook her head "No." I asked "Then why are you crying?" She sobbed "Even the fucking paedophiles aren't interested in me coz I'm ginger." I didn't know what to say to her, she had a point.

[The Monk]

A fellow on his wedding night in the hotel says to his new wife. "My God! I never realised you had such huge droopy breasts." The wife has a major dummy spit and throws him out of the room.

While he is sitting in the hall another fellow comes out down the hall. "What happened?" asks the first man. "Well" replies the other "I first saw my new wife naked tonight, and all I said was 'Hells bells! I didn't realise you had such a big fat droopy arse...'"

Then she threw me out. Just then a third fellow comes storming out into the hall with a face like thunder "Hey" says the second fellow, "did you put your foot in it as well?" "No" says the third fellow, "But, I bloody well could have!"

[The Monk]

One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag or bitch........





But this was a long time ago.....

and it was just ONE day.

The End

[The Monk]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"
She looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???"
"DO IT!"
So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.",
So the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

[The Monk]

Q: What is the difference between a midget and a freak?

A: Political correctness.