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Thread: 10 Things that Make You Look Like a Massive Idiot while Driving

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    #DeSantis2024 Teh One Who Knocks's Avatar
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    Rant 10 Things that Make You Look Like a Massive Idiot while Driving

    Jalopnik




    Do you ever wonder why everyone looks at you with astonished faces when you're driving? Well, here is a start. If you do any of these things when you drive, you are raising the blood pressure of everyone around you with your embarrassing driving. Whether you are just clueless or a bit self righteous, make sure you pay close attention. You may even learn something here.

    I'm looking at you, National Capital Region.

    1. Driving with your hazards on in "inclement weather"



    Whether it's lightly snowing or raining, you don't need to put your hazards on, especially if you are going the speed everyone else is going. That's not what they are for, so don't use them unless you have an actual problem. Everyone can see you, and if you're smart, you've turned your lights on (it's the law in VA, at least). That's enough for people to know you're there.

    The other day I was driving on a two lane neighborhood road behind a newish Honda minivan that was doing between 15-20 mph in a 25 mph zone at 11:00 PM. That's aggravating already, but what left me dumbfounded was when she approached a set a speed humps and put her hazards on until she cleared them. It was baffling.

    This is also, y'know, illegal in most states and you can actually be pulled over for "improper use of hazards"

    2. Leaving more than a car length of space in between cars at a traffic light



    Don't do this. You are keeping cars behind you from accessing turn lanes (which often go green before the primary lanes, making them sit through two sets of lights), and causing traffic to spill into intersections behind you because they expected another car's worth of room that you are denying them. This is most often caused by people texting or old people who aren't able to see over the wheel. Every time I see this, I want to just pull in right in front of them and fill the space.

    3. Lazily pulling into turn lanes



    When you are turning, you get into your turn lane as soon as it's available, and then you start slowing down. That is what it is for. You do not start slowing down in the main lane of traffic and then get over after you've gone a hundred yards after the dotted line starts. Once you decide to get over, get over. A lane change shouldn't take 5 seconds and if it does, you are being lazy and selfish.

    As a corollary, if it looks like you're going to miss your turn, just go around the block and try again. Do not slam on your brakes, cross 3 lanes of traffic, and then block another lane when you can't immediately get into the turn lane. You are inconveniencing everyone else because you don't want to drive another block. Still don't understand it? I'll let Louis CK explain it better:



    4. Stopping in the middle of the highway



    So you get into a fender bender on the interstate. What do you do? Well, it's simple. Move over to the side of the road. Don't just stop in the middle of 4 lanes of traffic. There's a shoulder for a reason. Use it. If you blow a tire, ride it over to the shoulder. If you stop, you are causing problems for everyone else, and potentially causing more accidents. Of course, if something catastrophic happens, like breaking an axle, you can be forgiven for not moving your car.

    5. Riding your Brakes



    Just because a car 300 yards ahead of you tapped their brakes doesn't mean you need to as well. Lift off the gas and start coasting. Be prepared to stop, but don't immediately brake. When you do that, everyone will do the same and the effect is multiplied, even to the point of people stopping. Also, keep in mind that every time you hit the brakes, you are converting your money into heat.

    6. Rubbernecking



    People rubberneck EVERYTHING here in the National Capital Region, including the monuments they see every day. Is there a police officer on the side of the road giving someone a ticket? Better slow down to see if you know them, it could be Jimmy from down the block, and you'd feel bad if you didn't say hi! Is there an accident? Then make sure you indulge your morbid curiosity!

    7. Hanging out in the left lane



    If you are going less than the flow of traffic, you do not belong in the left lane. Period. Get over. It's the law. Even if you are driving a Hybrid. Even if you're going the speed limit.

    Speed limits are arbitrary, subject not to safety or engineering, but rather politics. The speed of traffic is rarely the speed limit.

    Furthermore, if someone flashes their brights at you, and you're in the left lane, just let them by. Don't get mad. Don't get offended. Who cares if you think your speed is respectable? If they want to risk a ticket, let them risk the ticket. That's on them, not you. Plus, the whole flashing of brights to signal an intention to pass is a real thing. Even race cars do it.



    And of course, if someone is tailgating you, just move over and let them pass.

    If you are driving a large truck and you are in a place that isn't totally flat, please don't use the left lane. Sure, the truck in front of you may be doing 64, and you know you could do 65, but the cars around you are all going 70. Plus, you're not going to complete that pass before the next uphill, and then you'll be stuck doing 51 next to another truck going 50.5 on a two lane highway for the next 10 miles. I've seen the highway come to a complete stop due to trucks trying to do this.

    8. Not utilizing on-ramps to accelerate to highway speeds



    By the time you get to the highway, you better be going as fast as the people on the highway, so you can merge into traffic immediately and safely. This means, you should be doing at least 55 on any interstate by the time you get to the end of the ramp. And for the love of all that is good, don't stop at the end of the ramp. That's so dangerous its crazy.

    9. Waiting for a lane to completely end before merging



    Roads go from three lanes to two lanes or two lanes to one lane all the time. The wrong way to handle this is to drive until the very end of the lane that's ending, and then try to merge at the last possible moment. This causes traffic jams. EDIT: This causes traffic jams because no one knows how to zipper merge, because people are jerks and hate letting people in. Here's a graphic provided by Nobody showing how to do it:



    Instead, merge as soon as you are able. Sure, there that lane there that looks pretty open, but just merge when you can and you'll help everyone. You also won't look like a total tool!

    10. Blocking the Box

    You know who you are. You know what you're doing. Just don't do it. When in doubt, wait it out.



    Unfortunately, most of you guys know this already. But I bet you know some people that do this. Share this. Disseminate freely. If these people knew what they were doing, maybe they would stop. But seriously. They probably have Facebook. Share it there.

    What else makes people look like total idiots? What do you see people do that really grinds your gears when you are on the road?

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  3. #2
    Hal killed Tormund! Pony's Avatar
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    yep
    yep
    yep
    yep
    yep
    yep
    YEP
    YEP
    YEP
    YEP!

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    aka TheInvisibleMan Griffin's Avatar
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    I was worried at the beginning but can honestly say I am not of any of that.

    I have however wished grievous harm to idiots that do.

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    transracial Hal-9000's Avatar
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    we've got a lot of construction going on with closed lanes...about 3 miles of warning signs - left lane closed ahead - and yet people race up to the last minute point of entry. And I don't let them in

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    Forever Alone! Loser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teh One Who Knocks View Post

    2. Leaving more than a car length of space in between cars at a traffic light



    Don't do this. You are keeping cars behind you from accessing turn lanes (which often go green before the primary lanes, making them sit through two sets of lights), and causing traffic to spill into intersections behind you because they expected another car's worth of room that you are denying them. This is most often caused by people texting or old people who aren't able to see over the wheel. Every time I see this, I want to just pull in right in front of them and fill the space.

    I can tell instantly whoever wrote this never lived in a ghetto, because only people who live/d there follow the golden rule of leaving space between you and the car in front of you at a red light. Makes you a sitting duck for car jackers/robbers/theifs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hal-9000 View Post
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    Looser
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    murder my ass..shove it up my ass....both are beautiful terms of endearment

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    Forever Alone! Loser's Avatar
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    why did it double post?
    Last edited by Loser; 05-02-2014 at 04:17 PM.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hal-9000 View Post
    I already have your name on my butthole...too bad the tattoo artist couldn't spell
    Looser
    Quote Originally Posted by Hal-9000 View Post
    murder my ass..shove it up my ass....both are beautiful terms of endearment

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    21-Jazz hands salute Muddy's Avatar
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    I do number 1 to wanr the fucking texters that dont see me when its clear out that I am still there in the heavy downpours. And I do Number 9 because I refuse to sit in a make believe traffic jam that just isn't there..

  10. #8
    transracial Hal-9000's Avatar
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    Years ago this guy used to give me a ride to work....one day we see an older, well dressed lady in the lane beside us, with her finger probably 3/4's of the way up her nose...

    so I ask my bud to drive beside her...I was chewing green gum and pretended to pull it out my nose as a looooong strand while she was looking at us..


    my buddy nearly piled up the car he was laughing so loud

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    Hal killed Tormund! Pony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    And I do Number 9 because I refuse to sit in a make believe traffic jam that just isn't there..

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    transracial Hal-9000's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    And I do Number 9 because I refuse to sit in a make believe traffic jam that just isn't there..

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    Hal killed Tormund! Pony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    And I do Number 9 because I refuse to sit in a make believe traffic jam that just isn't there..

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    transracial Hal-9000's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    And I do Number 9 because I refuse to sit in a make believe traffic jam that just isn't there..

    -er

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    Shelter Dweller PorkChopSandwiches's Avatar
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    My personal favorite: We have a Yield sign at the end of my off ramp to get home and every idiot treats it like a stop sign, even though the lane you are turning into is only available to the people exiting the freeway, the oncoming traffic has to make a lane change to get into it after they pass the light. I typically lay on my horn until they move their dumb asses






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    transracial Hal-9000's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorkChopSandwiches View Post
    My personal favorite: We have a Yield sign at the end of my off ramp to get home and every idiot treats it like a stop sign, even though the lane you are turning into is only available to the people exiting the freeway, the oncoming traffic has to make a lane change to get into it after they pass the light. I typically lay on my horn until they move their dumb asses
    similar for me....exit ramp off one major road onto another...the other road has two lanes....the off ramp merges onto the right lane (of course) and in that lane there's no where to exit right for about 3 miles...yet every day I'm merging into the lane and guys in the left lane come over right when I'm merging into the right

    there's no reason for you to move from left to right...at that particular point in time you fckn mooks

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    Shelter Dweller Hugh_Janus's Avatar
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    1- never seen it happen, but over here, people drive with their rear fog lights on all the fucking time

    2- fuck off, I do this because a) if needs be, I can pull out from behind the car b) I have room to pull over if emergency services need to get by and the idiot in front is completely oblivious to the blues and twos and c) if someone smashes into the back of me, I then don't go flying into the person in front of me and having them make a claim on my insurance. You stuck behind me? Boo fucking hoo

    3-6 yeah, that grips my shit

    7- annoying as fuck, but a traffic cop mate informed me of a very effective way of dealing with this, pull over as far to the right of the lane as you can (or to the left for our american cousins) and about 15-20 car lengths behind stick your main beams on it works 9/10 times

    8) cocks

    9) if you don't do this, you're a retard

    10) cunts

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