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Thread: My Own Joke Thread - SFW, NSFW & Offensive Content

  1. #691
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    I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat bastard sitting there holding his cock...

    Then I realised the telly wasn't on!

  2. #692
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    My mates shagging twins who both like it up the arse. I asked how he tells them apart? "That's easy" he said. "Sally's got massive tits and a nice shaved pussy. Derek has a moustache and big hairy bollocks".

  3. #693
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    I gave my misses an orgasm, but the ungrateful bitch spat it out.

  4. #694
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    Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from earth?

  5. #695
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    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

  6. #696
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    A woman is in a coma, and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman's vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says "Please come down to the hospital. I think I know how to get your wife out of this coma!" so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says "I think that oral sex will bring her out of her coma - it will arouse her enough to bring her out of the coma". So the nurse closes the curtains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. The husband says "I don't know... I think she started choking".

  7. #697
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    I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you." Cost me 6 stitches but totally worth it.

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