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Thread: My Own Joke Thread - SFW, NSFW & Offensive Content

  1. #616
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Lazy People Fact #5626728943

    You were too lazy to read that number.

  2. #617
    The Shit Blizzard Muddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monk View Post
    Lazy People Fact #5626728943

    You were too lazy to read that number.
    Because reading that number serves no purpose. Which would make my statement a Smart Person Fact.


  3. #618
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    Because reading that number serves no purpose. Which would make my statement a Smart Person Fact.
    But what if further down the list at Fact #5626728962 you regretted not knowing Fact #5626728943 where it may be mentioned only by number.... :

  4. #619
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Tampax have announced that they will be replacing their traditional tampon string with tinsel.

    This will be for the Christmas Period only.

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  6. #620
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    After some great sex, she lies there stroking his prick.
    He asks, “Do you want more sex?”
    “No,” she replies, “I’m just admiring your cock... I really miss mine.”

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  8. #621
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Q. What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
    A. They are both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

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  10. #622
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    Q. How do gays refer to hemorrhoids?
    A.
     
    Speed bumps.

  11. #623
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    There once was a fellow named Dave
    Who dug up a whore from her grave
    She was moldy as shit
    And missing a tit
    But think of the money he saved!

  12. #624
    Shelter Dweller The Monk's Avatar
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    They say the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag.

    So I poke the Mrs and say put the kettle on fatty.

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  14. #625
    OMWTFYB RBP's Avatar
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    Family farming couple reaches 40 years married. The misses decides to spice things up for the occasion. Mood lighting, rose petals, Whiskey at the bedside table. She even got wild enough to buy some crotchless panties!

    Her husband comes in after a long day in the fields and is stunned by the sexy setting. When he gets to the bed, she spreads her legs in her new panties and says "you want some of this tonight?"

    Farmer says, "Hell naw! Not after seeing what it did to your drawers!"
    The only "B" word a woman should be called is beautiful.
    Bitches LOVE being called beautiful.

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  16. #626
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    A hooker brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs.

    "You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs."

    Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good blow jobs.

    "Look out the window. See that red Ferrari on the street? I bought it by giving good blow jobs."

    Her client asks her to give him a blow job. Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed.

    "Look out the window. See that big yacht out there on Lake Michigan? I could own that if I had a vagina."
    The only "B" word a woman should be called is beautiful.
    Bitches LOVE being called beautiful.

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  18. #627
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    Q: What are a woman's four favorite animals?

    A: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.
    The only "B" word a woman should be called is beautiful.
    Bitches LOVE being called beautiful.

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  20. #628
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    Sky News are reporting that the Irish have joined in the attack on Syria. They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement. It was a mortar attack.

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  22. #629
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    My son asked me today "What's the difference between a crow and a blackbird?" I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks and fan shaped tails whereas a blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair and a massive arse.


    --


    I was feeling down earlier so I dipped my Muslim friend in bleach. I thought I'd try to lighten Mahmood.

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  24. #630
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    I bought the wife a memory stick, it's great!

    She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating. 

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